The importance of chicken soup
“WHAT TYPE of a Jew are you?” One of the questions that strikes fear into the hearts of many. I have seen friends shrug and refuse to answer, while others go into confessional detail about their behaviours both ‘in’ and ‘out’ of the home.
We place ourselves on a spectrum: Yanky from Unorthodox on one side and Christopher Hitchens on the other. We are frummer than the Goldbergs, but nowhere near as frum as the Cohens. Bubbah made homemade chicken soup every Shabbos, but we usually do without.
As Jews, we are always trying to position ourselves and more often than not, it’s through a narrative of negative identity. Of course, it is only natural to define ourselves by who we’re not. We all have to develop a sense of where others end and we begin. But perhaps this method of identity formation has become more prevalent for Jews. We are a historically nomadic people. As we have moved from one strange land to another, we have needed to re-orientate ourselves in relation to those around us. Perhaps negative identity formation has become a kind of cultural GPS.
It is true that, when describing our heritage, we cannot avoid horrific stories of oppression and torture. But there are so many activities that Jews have performed over the years; why emphasise fleeing and hiding? Do we have to be defined by those who have hated us?
As a family therapist, I have noticed that the majority of those who develop racist attitudes do not have enough of a positive identity and so rely on belittling others to define themselves.
We are all searching for ways to inculcate more tolerance and inclusivity into our children and our communities. Racism and intolerance fill a vacuum of positive identity. If you want your children to love others, teach them what they and their family stand for.
If you want them to be kind, teach them the values of their heritage. We know what others have died for in the past. Today we have to remember what each of us are living for. And don’t forget to pass on that recipe for your bubbah’s chicken soup and make it with your family with pride.