A parent’s guide to handling emotions
THETRANSITIONbackto school has been a hot topic over the past few weeks.Inmyconversations with thousands of parents, the greatest concerns have centred on their child’s emotional wellbeing in these challenging times. Emotions are how we derive meaningfromtheworldaroundus.This feels like the perfect time to clarify what to expect in emotional development at various ages, as parents guide children on their journey to becoming emotionally intelligent.
0-1 THIS PHASE is all about attachment anddevelopingasenseof trustandsecurity.Parentsneedtohelptheirbabiesfeel that the world is a safe place. You can achieve this by being calm, soothing, responsive and consistent.
1-3 TODDLERS ARE developing a sense of being a separate person and feeling in control. They know exactly what they want and when they want it. Tantrums are likely and a natural stage of development. The trick is to strike that fine balance between enabling the child to feel in charge and validating their emotions, while at the same time keeping to your boundaries and not giving up your authority as a parent.
3-5 THIS AGE group can feel frustrated and considerable time and patience needs to go into helping them learn to self-regulate their emotions. Children appear capable of doing so much but often feel small and powerless. They can have major meltdowns for things that seem inconsequential to adults. Parents can help by empathising, acknowledgingandgivingthemwordsforemotions such as anger, sadness, fear, frustration. 5-11 THIS AGE group are learning an immense amount, academically, socially and about life skills. They need to feel competent and motivated and begin to identify what they are good at.
Parents can help boost self-esteem andresilienceandassistthemtobecome betteratthingstheyaretryingtomaster. 11-14 OUR UNDERSTANDING of what is going on in a teenager’s brain has evolved in the past few decades, as neurological scans advance.
Teenage brains undergo major rewiring, particularly the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for executive functioning skills: logic, reasoning and thinking about the consequences of actions.
This explains why much of the emotional behaviour of a child in their early teens seems to parallel that of toddlers.
The role of a parent is to act as a sounding board and provide a safe space where children feel they can openly talk, without fearing the reac
tion of their parents.
14-18
OLDER TEENS are meant to become self-reliant, so they can manage in the world independently. It can feel like they are constantly pulling away, yet they need to develop their own beliefs, values and opinions. Parents can helpteensestablishwhatkindof person they are and who they want to become, sotheybegintounderstandthemselves better.
Children should know that all feelings are acceptable’
Children of all ages should know that all feelings are acceptable. They should neverbewrongforhavingafeeling,even if their behaviour as a result of those emotions needs to be redirected.
When parents understand and listen, children feel respected, valued and develop resilience. Responding to a child’s emotional needs is probably the most important thing parents can do.