The mystery of love, unpacked on screen
Couples Therapy
HEARD THE one about the haranguing Jewish wife and her put-upon Jewish husband? Turns out the wife was acting out patterns of anxiety due to the expectations placed on her by her mother.
As one comedian might wag to another backstage, “I wouldn’t open with it.” The second series of Couples Therapy on BBC2 does just that though, as Michael and Michal sweep into the therapist’s office and in an unrelenting tirade Michal immediately unloads all her anger about her diminutive, yarmulke wearing husband. How he’s disappointed her sexually, financially and as a couple, how she walks around full of frustration and resentment towards him. Michael laughs and shrugs, “That’s not a nice way to introduce me.” Well
I guess I know whom I’m rooting for.
There’s no right or wrong or good or bad, there’s just ‘Why?’
Isn’t that the point of these types of reality shows, to pick your side? As it tuns out here, no, this is way too classy for that. Filming three couples, chosen from thousands, cutting down their months of therapy sessions into nine brisk 25 minute episodes, instead we’re presented with a riddle. There’s no right or wrong or good or bad or blame or innocence, there’s just “Why?” And possessing the qualities of all great detectives is the calm, measured, enquiring presence of the Poirot of the therapist’s couch, Dr Orna Guralnik.
Maybe a better comparison would be a mechanic, as obviously excellent at her job, it’s fascinating to see how Dr Guralnik patiently listens to the engine of each relationship, and instead of directly trying to stop the whining and spluttering, tunes out the background noise to work back to the root cause. Hopefully then the damage can be fixed, or it’s time for the scrapyard.
It’s impossible when watching a show like this, to not bring your own experiences to
the viewing, especially if sat down next to your partner. For some that might be uncomfortable, for others enlightening, but you’re certainly engaged. This is where reality TV shines, as no amount of brilliant scriptwriting can ever fully replicate the messy unpredictability of people, so that blaming your partner for not booking their teeth whitening session, when it turns out they did, can be the thing that unlocks the entire mystery of their dynamic so that healing can begin.
The good doctor is a bit of an enigma herself, I can’t remember her name ever being mentioned, which I guess is how it should be, the focus being on the couples. So I was a bit surprised to learn she has Israeli parents, growing up there from seven. I should’ve guessed it from her expert guttural pronunciation of MiCHal, who after deriding her husband for months performs a sudden volte-face and complains that she feels the therapist is being unfair to him. That’s the thing, we’re all complicated, a stereotype is never the proper picture, and to gain a deeper understanding, sometimes the best thing you can do is listen. Or in this case,
watch.