WE’RE BOTH HAV­ING AF­FAIRS

The Mail on Sunday - You - - Dear Zelda -

I love my hus­band and we have a good mar­riage, but two years ago I be­gan an af­fair with an at­trac­tive mu­tual friend of ours who is mar­ried. We all meet so­cially quite of­ten and my hus­band even­tu­ally be­came sus­pi­cious. When he chal­lenged me, I ad­mit­ted that I was cheat­ing on him. A few weeks later, he be­gan an af­fair with my lover’s wife. I found this painful at first, but we are now all open with each other and have sex with our spouses as well as our lovers. We both have teenage chil­dren and they seem happy about it. Do you think there is any­thing wrong in what we are do­ing? You are on dan­ger­ous ground. It sounds as though when your hus­band dis­cov­ered your af­fair, he ei­ther thought he would get his own back by hav­ing a revenge fling, or has al­ways found this other woman at­trac­tive and fi­nally had an ex­cuse to act on it. What’s sauce for the goose is sauce for the gan­der. Ei­ther way, they were driven into each other’s arms by your joint be­trayal and it could back­fire. Your hus­band might de­cide he wants a di­vorce, leav­ing you free to be with your lover. But so of­ten in a sit­u­a­tion such as this, the man leaves his mis­tress and begs his wife to con­tinue with their mar­riage. I am con­cerned about the chil­dren. They might ap­pear to be OK, but they could be hid­ing their real feel­ings and have fears about their par­ents break­ing up. Also, you are teach­ing them that in a mar­riage or se­ri­ous re­la­tion­ship, faith­ful­ness is not im­por­tant. This could lead to big prob­lems in their fu­ture re­la­tion­ships. I sus­pect it will all end in tears, un­less you and your hus­band both leave your lovers and try to re­build the mar­riage.

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