QUOTES of the week

‘You will lose. In 1,000 years’ time, Paris, that glorious city of lights, will still be shining bright. And you will be dust.’ This Week presenter Andrew Neil, launches into Islamic State, or ‘Islamist

scumbags’ as he called them, who carried out the deadly Paris attacks. ‘You do not protect people by sitting around and wishing for another world. You have to act, using military force if necessary.’ Prime Minister David Cameron, starts preparing the ground for UK air strikes against IS in Syria. ‘You slim down for summer and get fat for winter, although magazines don’t encourage it. They don’t say, “Chub up for Crimbo.”’ Comedian Michael MacIntyre reveals that his weight yo-yos

depending on the seasons. ‘I flirt with anyone – man, woman, animal, inanimate object.’ Actress Liz Hurley says she’s no shrinking violet when it comes to meeting new people – or objects... ‘I binge on cheese and biscuits and on X Factor, Strictly and Downton. There is a stigma admitting you are desperately lonely.’ Dame Esther Rantzen reveals that she fills her evenings as a widow with TV shows and snacks.

‘The wine can’t be up to much.’

Late Tory MP Sir Brandon Rhys-Williams,

on the offer of ‘The run of the house and a three-course dinner, with wine, for £25’ by ‘Luncheon Voucher’ madame Cynthia Payne,

who died last week aged 82. ‘I was roped in to be sport for the oiks.’

Lady Colin Campbell

protests after refusing to do a washing-up task on reality show I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here. ... ‘As barking as a dingo in a boiling billabong.’

Commentator Jan Moir

delivers her scathing verdict on the aristocrat’s performance in the jungle. ‘I want to have a bang on Bond, mate. I’d love to do the Bond.’

EastEnders hard-man Danny Dyer

believes he’d be great as the first ‘working-class’ 007. Incumbent Bond Daniel Craig is neither shaken nor stirred... ‘Would you listen to One Direction, sitting at a party with your girl? I wouldn’t.’

Original member

Zayn Malik

takes a dig at his former bandmates.