QUOTES of the week

‘I don’t want to be remembered as the guy who looked like a wobbly horse.’

Triathlete Jonny Brownlee, who had to be helped across the line by his brother Alistair at a race in Mexico after almost collapsing due to the heat.

‘I just wish the flipping idiot had paced it right.’ Brother Alistair’s typically blunt response.

‘He doesn’t even eat biscuits. How are we supposed to trust him?’ Mumsnet user, after Jeremy Corbyn claimed he avoided treats because he is anti-sugar.

‘I accept that you grew up in a different time but this is the 21st Century – grow up with it or keep your mouth shut.’ District Judge Graham Wilkinson blasts ex-footballer Paul Gascoigne for racially abusing a black man at his stage show.

‘My eyes are weird, I have a crooked smile and my nose looks like a ski slope’ Actress Jane Seymour on why she would never win a beauty contest.

‘France is populated by imbeciles making wine and stinky cheese for tourists.’ Actor Gerard Depardieu takes a swipe at his home country.

‘We’ll lie, omit and say things you never said, and do things you never did. But barring that, we’ll be as authentic as we can.’ Hollywood star Tom Hanks tries to reassure hero pilot Chesley Sullenberger, whom he plays in a new film.

‘This year she had a ceramics class she couldn’t get out of.’ Emmy host Jimmy Kimmel teases winner Maggie Smith, who was again absent from the star-studded ceremony.

‘A preening manchild lingering where the money is. I’m shocked.’ Former Bake Off star Ruby Tandoh condemns Paul Hollywood for defecting to Channel 4’s version of the hit series.