A night of Trumpkin terror

HALLOWE’EN is going to be particularly vile this year, what with the scary clown craze and the Trumpkin – a gurning visage of Donald Trump carved into a pumpkin, like the terrifying example on the right. At least the cocky Republican nominee is on his last legs. I would say that he’s like a smelly old dog that should be put down, but that is an insult to dogs, who are noble, devoted creatures. Trump’s the exact opposite of a dog. And he can’t even stay on his own porch, either. ‘WE THANK God for our blessing,’ says singer Janet Jackson on her pregnancy, just days after Ginger Spice revealed that she, too, would be hearing the patter of tiny feet soon. Well, I had the same thought I always have when I hear about ‘autumn crocuses’ (Jackson is 50 and Geri Halliwell 44). My mother had her first child at 22 and was a grandmother at 51, as was her mother. But still. Congratulations to Janet and Geri. May your ‘blessings’ be bonny and bouncing.