QUOTES of the week

‘Bono has been named Glamour’s woman of the year. To be fair, with only 3.7billion women, it must be tough to find a worthy one.’ Twitter user Stephanie Peat leads the backlash over the magazine’s decision to honour the U2 singer for campaigning on gender equality.

‘I owe it to George – he told other members of the jury that if they didn’t vote for me the economy would collapse and World War Three would start.’ Theresa May pokes fun at George Osborne – the architect of Project Fear – after being named politician of the year.

‘The cleavage – those magnificent mounds pushed together to display sexual empowerment, to seduce, or just show off – is over.’ Vogue magazine announces that wearing daring outfits that expose too much flesh is out of fashion.

‘I was off my face writing that album but a drunk tongue is an honest one.’ Singer Adele admits that she used to down vast quantities of wine while writing songs for 21.

‘England’s education system is a bit like its football team – better than many but hardly top-notch.’ Ofsted chief Sir Michael Wilshaw says too many schools are living on past glories.

‘This will probably finish the RMT. You don’t mess with Christmas family time.’ Twitter user after the rail union announces more strikes on Southern over the festive period.

‘We hit the motherlode!’ Donald Trump reacts with glee after the email scandal engulfing Hillary Clinton wipes out her poll lead.

‘Imagine never being able to shout “Shut up!” or cry, even in front of your own family.’ Claire Foy, who plays the Queen in the new TV series The Crown, wonders how Her Majesty manages to remain so stoical.