Five of his top (very barbed) tips.. .

Now sock it to those dodgy brown shoes

If you wear brown shoes with blue jeans, you are already three-quarters of the way to looking dodgy. Wear no socks, and you will look like typical Eurotrash. Wear dark socks and you will look awkward by trying to be smooth and failing. My advice is not to wear blue jeans with brown shoes at all.

Fellow travellers? Don’t bother with them

I avoid talking to anyone adjacent to me on a flight, especially on long-haul flights. I go out of my way not to catch the eye of my fellow passengers lest they become tediously loquacious. However, I once sat next to the delectable Julia Roberts on Concorde. I tried for hours to catch her eye to strike up a conversation, but without the remotest success, and ended up too pathetic to have uttered a single syllable.

Ban the bow tie – you’re not Robin Day

Bow ties look ridiculous, unless you are Bob Hope or Robin Day – but those two always looked silly anyway. Hope with his hockey-stick chin, and the latter with Bavarian eyebrows. Bow ties are effeminate, as they look exactly like a butterfly. Why would any real man wish to wear a butterfly round his collar?

Dress for success, not like a pair of curtains

Some people end up with too much confidence – Liberace, Karl Lagerfeld and Kim Jong Un – with their signature attires. I only wish someone had had the guts to tell them what they were wearing was a bit over the top. I once had lunch in a tent in the Sahara with Colonel Gaddafi. He was in full uniform and the tassels from his epaulettes would not have looked out of place on Barbara Cartland’s drawing-room curtains.

Party guests – don’t leave it too late!

How do I get rid of my dinner-party guests when they linger around the table? I retire to the bedroom and change into my pyjamas. I then reappear at the table, declaring that I am going to bed and that those who want to go can go, and those who want to stay can stay, with the last person making sure the front door is closed.