QUOTES of the week

‘I hope you will continue to challenge ill-founded arguments and muddled thinking, and that you will never be afraid to speak the truth.’

Sir Ivan Rogers

issues advice to his staff after quitting as our EU ambassador just months before Brexit talks.

‘I went for a long walk and got lost. Somebody found me yesterday.’

DJ Tony Blackburn

returns to BBC radio with a quip following an 11-month absence over the Jimmy Savile inquiry.

‘No single fathers, no battered wives, no plumbers.’

Kent landlord Fergus Wilson

refuses to rent homes to these three groups – because he says they’re hard to evict, are often attacked or rip him off.

‘He doesn’t have a male saying “Don’t cry” or “You throw like a girl” – those sh***y things dads do.’

Mad Men star January Jones

insists she is better

raising her fiveyear-old son alone.

‘No tsunami spotted. Bingo to resume ASAP.’

Twitter user

sees the funny side after a 3.9 earthquake in Scarborough.

‘I don’t believe I am rude… well, maybe low to medium rude.’

Bookseller Steve Bloom,

who has attracted more than 20 complaints in four years from customers over his brusque behaviour.

‘I’d love to say “New Year, new me” but I’m only two stamps away from a free meal with my KFC loyalty card. Silly to ruin that now…’

Twitter user Simon Lennon

gets his excuse in early for breaking his 2017 resolutions.

‘We have you as a suspect for multiple burglaries… we have a slight suspicion you might be blanking us #awkward.’

Kingston Police

use a novel approach to name and shame Tracey Dyke.

‘They made her look like a train wreck for the ratings.’

Mariah Carey’s manager Stella Bulochnikov

accusing producers after a performance by Carey, right, in Times Square turned into a shambles.