QUOTES of the week

‘If Richard was a member of the Secret Service, then maybe Ken Dodd was in charge of MI5.’ Kathryn Apanowicz, partner of the late Richard Whiteley, after actor Ricky Tomlinson claimed the former Countdown host was a spy.

‘The good news is we got to see some extra speeches.’ Oscars host Jimmy Kimmel after La La Land was mistakenly announced as the winner of Best Film instead of Moonlight.

‘Don’t get me started on the Yorkshire puddings.’ Twitter user as Cambridge students complain that dishes such as Jamaican stew are racist.

‘Been there, done that.’ Astronaut Buzz Aldrin’s reaction to tycoon Elon Musk’s mission to send tourists around the Moon.

‘They are taking respectful, loving space at this time.’ Katy Perry’s aides use a bizarre phrase to reveal that the singer has split from actor Orlando Bloom.

‘Never kick a man until he is down.’ Labour MP Sir Gerald Kaufman, who died last week aged 86, with his ‘golden rule of politics’.

‘Use your mobile and drive and as of today you’ll end with more points on your licence than Liverpool FC got in February… six.’ Greater Manchester Police poke fun at Liverpool’s loss of form in a road safety message.

‘I bought an Aston Martin but I just feel like a t** in it.’ Pop star Ed Sheeran admits his wealth can leave him feeling uncomfortable.

‘Labour needs a smack in the face. A serious wet fish to the chops.’ MP Jess Phillips bemoans the current state of her party.

‘I get all my 81-year-old mother’s handme-downs. Luckily they’re cashmere.’ Mary Berry’s daughter Annabel reveals the pair have a similar sense of style.