QUOTES of the week

‘Old McDonnell has a plan. He eyes IOUs.’ Economist magazine headline cleverly uses the cadence of Old MacDonald to dismiss Labour’s manifesto promises. ‘We could eliminate the national debt by putting his first meeting with the Queen on pay-per-view.’ Comic Ahir Shah on why he would prefer a victory for Jeremy Corbyn. ‘Pommesclassic styling?de terre So in just bog-standard chips, then?’ Chris Tarrant bemoans the vogue for pretentious menu descriptions. ‘I just fired the head of the FBI. He was crazy, a real nut job.’ Donald Trump’s reported remark to Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov after sacking James Comey the previous day. ‘This is reaching Watergate size and scale.’ US Senator John McCain as Mr Trump faces claims that he interfered with an FBI investigation into his team’s links with Russia. ‘I’m not gonna lie – my dancing’s pretty good.’ Jennifer Lawrence, who was filmed pole-dancing at 4am in an Austrian strip club. ‘I know several who are in their 60s and 70s. If they are kids they need discipline – if they are older they need medical help.’ Star Trek actor William Shatner cannot believe the actions of some internet trolls. ‘Hello gorgeous, do I come here often?’ Novelist Joseph Connolly reveals how a forgetful elderly friend chats up women in bars. ‘One lady said, “What do I do about my little boy eating soil?” and I said, “Make sure he gets enough!” ’ TV gardener Alan Titchmarsh wants more parents to let their youngsters get messy outside. ‘Thank you for the best ten hours under a duvet I’ve ever had.’ Sarah Lancashire, left, pays tribute at the TV Baftas to her best actress rival Claire Foy after binge-watching her starring as the Queen in Netflix drama The Crown.