QUOTES of the week

‘Darling, you know I am on your side, but how many more letters of the alphabet do you think you might need?’ Gay novelist Jeanette Winterson reveals a friend’s quizzical response to mention of the LGBTQIA (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, Intersex, Asexual) movement. ‘It is a beautiful form of introduction, though it might be misinterpreted in a pub in Glasgow.’ Boris Johnson warns New Zealand Maoris not to try their traditional nose-rubbing greeting in the home of the Glasgow kiss. ‘Summer… the time when parents realise just how grossly underpaid teachers actually are.’ Sign spotted on a London

Underground noticeboard. ‘They won’t be living with me when they’re 18. I’ve got a cruise to go on’ Nadiya Hussain of Bake Off fame warns her three children they might have to soon learn to cook for themselves. ‘The middle class – where people buy wine but don’t drink it on the same day.’ Artist Grayson Perry has a pop at the drinking habits of suburbia. ‘To punch a puppy.’ Phrase from a new survey of the most-hated corporate-speak, meaning to do something bad for the good of a company. ‘With the exception of the late, great, Abraham Lincoln, I can be more presidential than any president that’s ever held this office.’ Donald Trump seems confident of his place in history, despite his crisisridden time in office so far. ‘When it gets out of hand, I threaten them with a screwdriver or a Chinese burn.’ Political bruiser John Prescott reveals a peculiar approach to keeping his two rowdy grandchildren in order. ‘You don’t want to look rough, but time passes. Life is lived. You get wrinkles. You’re going to get older. It’s f ine.’ TV presenter Katie Derham reveals that ageing holds no fears for her.