Dinner and a wink, Ms Kerr? Don’t give my husband ideas!
EVERYONE’S frantic, it’s the beginning of term, we’re all stretched too thin, so who better to turn to for domestic help than gorgeous Aussie supermodel Miranda Kerr? She’s issued some hot- button advice in an interview on how to maintain harmony in the home, especially when it comes to hubby. I know you’re going to enjoy.
(Explainer: Miranda Kerr was married to actor Orlando Bloom, is now newly wed to the billionaire co- founder of Snapchat, Evan Spiegel, so she really has this whole couples thing down.)
‘My grandma taught me that men are visual and you need to make a little effort,’ she says, with a wink. ‘So when [Evan] comes home, I make sure to have a nice dress on and the candles lit. We make time to have a nice dinner together.’
Candles. Dress. Lingering dinner a deux. The hint of lingerie and the ghastly wink. Yes, I too thought I’d entered a tear in the space-time continuum and was back in the 1950s, when the ‘ Tips To Look After Your Husband’ section of a legendary home economics book offered earnest entreaties to wives to ‘freshen make-up’ and ‘be a little gay’ and ‘have a cool drink ready’ when He comes home.
But I’m afraid there’s more in this vein from the new Mrs Spiegel.
‘At home, I slip into my feminine,’ she explains, ‘and empower Evan to be in his masculine.’ At this, even our interviewer from The Edit fashion magazine had to interrupt. ‘Slip into your feminine?’ he repeated, as if he’d failed to recognise a wellknown brand of negligee.
But I think we all know in our heart of hearts what she means – that when it comes to marriage, nothing has changed for 70 years. ‘Plan ahead to have a delicious meal on time. This is a way of letting him know you have been thinking about him and his needs. Make one last trip through the house just before your husband arrives.’
Miranda Kerr or 1950s advice? Actually, it’s from the 1950s, but the stated goal is the same: as a wife you are there to please your chap and serve him like a geisha.
Ha! In fact, ha ha ha! It’s all very well for supermodels and the superrich to spout such utter cobblers, but it’s letting the side down.
Jerry Hall’s mother told her daughter that to keep a man was simple. You had to be ‘a maid in the living room, cook in the kitchen, and whore in the bedroom’.
Jerry’s response was that this sounded like far too much work and she’d hire staff to do the cooking and cleaning and she’d take care of the bedroom. Well said, Jerry.
The problem is, the Santa Monicabased supermodel and mother of two’s updated Stepford Wife schtick is really successful with men.
It makes his nibs feel ‘in his masculine’. It works. And what’s not to like if you’re a man? But this is 2017, Mrs Evan Spiegel! Not 1957.
After work and the kids are in bed, all we want to do is flop in front of the telly in our joggers with a takeaway. I suppose she has staff to do the heavy lifting when it comes to bedtime and her gourmet candlelit dinners (for which she has slipped into something far less comfortable), which makes her advice even more annoying.
I’m hiding the interview in case my other half gets ideas. I suggest you do, too.