QUOTES of the week

‘We are a nest of singing birds.’ Boris Johnson, claims all is harmonious in the Cabinet, amid reports he is on the verge of quitting it. ‘All this “If you jump off a cliff and spread your wings you’ll find yourself flying into the blue yonder,” that’s not a policy.’ Remainer Kenneth Clarke questions Boris’s Brexit vision as set out in his ‘leadership bid’ newspaper article. ‘Hello mate. Are you undercover today?’ Uniformed policeman gives the game away – as he greets a colleague in jeans and T-shirt at a railway station. ‘OK girls, if you stuff up we’re ready.’ Debbie Speranza’s offer to bridesmaids after she and five others turned up to a wedding in the same dress. ‘Boris resigning as Labour’s conference opens would be like Taylor Swift [left] putting all her music on Spotify the day Katy Perry’s album was released.’ Columnist Marina Hyde on the scene-stealing possibilities of a Cabinet departure. ‘I can’t give you much business.’ The Duke of Cambridge refers to his thinning locks after meeting a hairdresser. ‘ “Dotard” is a good one. Wish I learnt it doing a crossword instead of through being on the precipice of nuclear war.’ Film director Edgar Wright’s reaction to Kim Jong Un’s new nickname for Donald Trump. ‘I’d have preferred to be called Elvis, actually.’ Actor Nigel Havers understands only too well why his name is no longer a popular choice for baby boys. ‘Is this what women threw themselves in front of horses for? For girls to be as low as those awful boys? How did we go wrong?’ Dawn French is outraged by the anythinggoes behaviour of young girls who copy men by getting drunk and sleeping around.