QUOTES of the week

‘Jolly good job! They should never have let him out of prison. It’s good riddance and he got what he deserved.’ Cyril Goodearl, 78

– a victim of burglar Henry Vincent in November – after hearing that the career criminal had been stabbed to death when he broke into Richard Osborn-Brooks’s home in London last week.

‘I find it disturbing to see a child pick up a book and try to swipe left.’ Nursery teacher Jennifer Bhambri-Lyte

tells the National Union of Teachers of the dangers of children being exposed to technology at a young age.

‘My own what? Oh don’t believe all that crap. The very idea.’ Prince Charles

when a radio DJ in Brisbane asked if it was true he took his own white leather toilet seat with him on his travels.

‘I wish he’d called it On Miami Beach.’ Actress Saoirse Ronan reveals that she caught tonsillitis during filming of Ian McEwan’s novel On Chesil Beach in damp Dorset.

‘They are held up to us uncool un-regenerated “unwoke” old bats and battleaxes as the role model future of the movement.’ Stephanie Gaunt,

president of Hastings Ore Women’s Institute, criticises the formation of the Shoreditch Sisters, a ‘new, young hipster cool’ branch of the WI.

‘The Crown’s so-called loyal Opposition has swerved so far to the antiBritish hard Left as to become indistinguishable from the British Communist Party.’ Writer Frederick Forsyth laments the Labour Party’s lurch to the Left.

‘Thank you Jesus.’ Lewis Hamilton’s

social media response – later deleted – to news that ‘grid girls’ will adorn the Monaco Grand Prix, contravening a ban by the sport’s owners.