QUOTES of the week

‘Racism is not a known side effect of our medication.’ Drug-maker Sanofi after comedienne Roseanne Barr blamed its sleeping pill Ambien for her racist tweets.

‘Appreciate at the moment the service is less Ferrero Rocher and more Poundland cooking chocolate.’ Thameslink apologises to commuters for cancelling thousands of trains – and promptly attracts the fury of the high street chain.

‘Seems harsh.’ Comedian Stephen Grant jokes after Malian Mamoudou Gassama was made a French citizen for scaling a Paris apartment block to rescue a young boy.

‘Subconscious reducetarians.’ Nickname for dieting Britons who have cut down their calorie intake without realising it.

‘It’s my way of being a superhero.’ Tennis star Serena Williams, who played at the French Open in a black catsuit.

‘Like when your motherin-law drives off a cliff in your new BMW.’ Ex-Israeli PM Ehud Barak’s tasteless description of mixed feelings.

‘I will be more steely in future.’ Today programme host Nick Robinson, apologises after saying ‘aloominum’ – the American pronunciation of aluminium – during an interview.

‘Wales is shut.’ Twitter user jokes after the Visa meltdown prevented motorists using their cards to pay to cross the Severn Bridge.

‘All right, interview terminated.’ TV presenter Richard Madeley abruptly ends his grilling of Gavin Williamson after the Defence Secretary repeatedly dodged his question over the Salisbury poisoning.

‘Have you noticed they cry all the time now? Always crying. And they have beards.’ Author Jilly Cooper sums up modern man.