QUOTES of the week

‘The last time Russian military claimed to be on holiday was when they invaded Ukraine in 2014.’ Foreign Secretary Jeremy Hunt dismisses claims by two men suspected of the novichok attack in Salisbury that they were simply tourists.

‘Top QC ditches curvy blond.’ Judicial blog Legal Cheek’s headline on the news that lawyer Marina Wheeler is divorcing Boris Johnson.

‘The gig economy is nothing new. It is simply a reincarnation of an ancient evil.’ Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby sparks controversy by telling the TUC that workers are still being oppressed.

‘Have you guys had much Chinese food?’ Prince William drops a clanger by asking pupils about their meal… at a Japanese cultural centre.

‘She died with her eyelashes on!’ Simon McKay pays tribute to his friend Fenella Fielding, pictured, the Carry On actress who died last week aged 90.

‘Our starting team had an average age of 25. If we take them any younger we’ll be waiting outside Mothercare.’ Gareth Southgate jokes about his youthful England football side.

‘What next? Call Auschwitz a resort?’ Blogger Anna Polyakova reacts after a university society described Soviet gulags as ‘compassionate’.

‘Here’s a real student starter pack – beans, chicken nuggets, pizza and frozen avocado if you’re feeling fancy.’ Supermarket chain Iceland pokes fun at rival Waitrose after its ‘university essentials’ list included bouillon powder and rose harissa.

‘It seemed vulgar to join the 326 colleagues already taking part.’ Newsreader Huw Edwards explains why he isn’t appearing in BBC drama Bodyguard.