QUOTES of the week

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‘The last time Rus­sian mil­i­tary claimed to be on hol­i­day was when they in­vaded Ukraine in 2014.’ For­eign Sec­re­tary Jeremy Hunt dis­misses claims by two men sus­pected of the novi­chok at­tack in Sal­is­bury that they were sim­ply tourists.

‘Top QC ditches curvy blond.’ Ju­di­cial blog Le­gal Cheek’s head­line on the news that lawyer Ma­rina Wheeler is di­vorc­ing Boris John­son.

‘The gig econ­omy is noth­ing new. It is sim­ply a rein­car­na­tion of an an­cient evil.’ Arch­bishop of Can­ter­bury Justin Welby sparks con­tro­versy by telling the TUC that work­ers are still be­ing op­pressed.

‘Have you guys had much Chi­nese food?’ Prince Wil­liam drops a clanger by ask­ing pupils about their meal… at a Ja­panese cul­tural cen­tre.

‘She died with her eye­lashes on!’ Si­mon McKay pays trib­ute to his friend Fenella Field­ing, pic­tured, the Carry On ac­tress who died last week aged 90.

‘Our start­ing team had an av­er­age age of 25. If we take them any younger we’ll be wait­ing out­side Mother­care.’ Gareth South­gate jokes about his youth­ful Eng­land foot­ball side.

‘What next? Call Auschwitz a re­sort?’ Blog­ger Anna Polyakova re­acts af­ter a uni­ver­sity so­ci­ety de­scribed Soviet gu­lags as ‘com­pas­sion­ate’.

‘Here’s a real stu­dent starter pack – beans, chicken nuggets, pizza and frozen av­o­cado if you’re feel­ing fancy.’ Su­per­mar­ket chain Ice­land pokes fun at ri­val Waitrose af­ter its ‘uni­ver­sity es­sen­tials’ list in­cluded bouil­lon pow­der and rose harissa.

‘It seemed vul­gar to join the 326 col­leagues al­ready tak­ing part.’ News­reader Huw Ed­wards ex­plains why he isn’t ap­pear­ing in BBC drama Body­guard.

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