QUOTES of the week

‘Exotic spresm.’

Sir Vince Cable stumbles over the only memorable line in his Lib Dem conference speech about Brexit – he meant to say ‘erotic spasm’. ‘Having survived several years of people saying, “You’re not as good as Jeremy Paxman,” I now look forward to people saying, “You’re not as good as Eddie Mair.” ’ Evan Davis, who is quitting Newsnight to host Radio 4’s PM. ‘When I’m gone? Well, I’d like to be cremated and used as Dolly Parton’s talcum powder.’ Comedy writer Denis Norden, who died last week aged 96, turned even his own demise into a witty one-liner. ‘It may have been the least impressive sex I’d ever had, but clearly he didn’t share that opinion.’ Porn star Stormy Daniels describes her night with Donald Trump. ‘Hi, I’m Meg’s mom.’ Doria Ragland, the mother of the Duchess of Sussex, surprises guests at a Grenfell book launch. ‘You do realise all your children will be centaurs?’ Prue Leith recalls her father’s reaction when, as a girl, she told him she wanted to marry her pony. ‘What started out as a really stupid idea from a stupid drunken night out has become a drunken reality.’ Nightclub DJ Michael Savage, who will play Toto’s hit Africa for five hours nonstop to raise funds for charity. ‘Stop paying ridiculous salaries to Gary Lineker and take a cut in your own pay too.’ Labour’s Kate Hoey tweets her advice to BBC chief Lord Hall after he warned over 75s may have to pay the licence fee. ‘Since I’ve had surgery, I don’t get called a fat cow in the street any more.’ Broadcaster Jenni Murray, who lost 5st after a gastric operation.