QUOTES of the week

‘It has come to be called Cox’s codpiece. What I am concerned to ensure is that what is inside the codpiece is in full working order.’

Attorney General Geoffrey Cox updates the Commons on progress with his legal codicil – dubbed a ‘codpiece’ by sceptics – to break the Brexit impasse.

‘She definitely sent it because my heart didn’t beat for two seconds.’

Science Museum director Sir Ian Blatchford, who watched nervously as the Queen posted her first Instagram message.

‘If your house is on f ire, you stop painting it and you go and get a bucket and start pouring water over it.’

Chancellor Philip Hammond enrages police chiefs by saying they should make do with current budgets in the face of soaring knife crime.

‘It’s like saying Prince William is self-made.’

Twitter user Lindi Ortega after Kylie Jenner, left – part of the wealthy Kardashian family – was named the youngest-ever self-made billionaire.

‘It’s only curtains that are coloured.’

Question Time audience member criticises Pensions Secretary Amber Rudd over her description of black Labour MP Diane Abbott as ‘coloured’.

‘You can have a highbrow programme as long as it’s clearly explained… I mean Hilary Mantel doesn’t dumb down her novels. She doesn’t write for 50-year-olds in Woking.’

Radio 4 arts boss James Runcie is accused of insulting residents of the Surrey town.

‘There are always going to be 500,000 people in this country who are off-the-page nuts. The problem we’ve got is they’ve all joined the Labour Party because of Jeremy Corbyn.’

Unnamed Labour MP hits out at the change in the party’s membership.

‘We need to get out of this Mrs Robinson mindset.’

Barnardo’s chief Javed Khan after research showed people thought abuse by a woman on a boy was less serious than a man grooming a girl.