QUOTES of the week

‘I don’t give a toss about her, love.’ Geoffrey Boycott, who was convicted of assaulting his then partner in 1998, hits back over criticism after being awarded a knighthood in Theresa May’s resignation honours list.

‘Not even Da Easy Crew can get him out of this one.’ Judge Christopher Henir during the case of Michael De Souza, creator of children’s TV hit Rastamouse and his band Da Easy Crew. De Souza admitted benefits fraud.

‘Thank God for Normandy.’ Artist David Hockney, who says he wants to be able to smoke and eat in a restaurant at the same time.

‘It’s as fanciful as building a bridge to the Moon.’ Engineering expert dismisses the chances of constructing a link between Scotland and Northern Ireland.

‘If someone doesn’t like me because of the size of my bum, they can f*** off because I’m a nice person.’ Olivia Colman’s reaction to those who criticise her appearance.

‘Chino.’ Nickname given by critics to Sajid Javid – it stands for ‘Chancellor in name only’.

‘It was an industrial accident.’ French court decision after a married railway firm worker died while having sex with a stranger he met during a business trip.

‘He’s a chest-thumping, alpha-male, king-of-thejungle, sexist, controlfreak, loud-mouth bully from Yorkshire. Some people don’t like him.’ Lloyd Evans on former No 10 spin doctor Alastair Campbell.

‘You’ve had three years and three months and you’ve done nothing but argue among yourselves like little kids. You’ve got no respect for the British people. Just go away’ Question Time audience member Charlie Neil sums up the nation’s view of politicians’ behaviour over Brexit.