NEXT WEEK’S NEWS... TODAY!
OUR weekly – and highly irreverent – look at the stories that just might be breaking over the coming days…
MONDAY
After the Government announced its fracking ban, Cuadrilla’s chief executive admits he’s shaken. But then his office is directly above one of its drilling sites.
The BBC is hit by another gender pay row after cleaner Ethel Sprong complains that she’s paid less than Director-General Lord Hall.
TUESDAY
John Bercow steps up his complaint over reports he demanded £1 million to enter I’m A Celebrity… ‘What gave them the idea I’d like to spend time with attention-seeking nobodies, slimy reptiles, and irritating bloodsuckers,’ says the man who’s just spent ten years refereeing the Commons.
WEDNESDAY
Twitter’s ban on political advertising takes hold, with chief executive Jack Dorsey saying he doesn’t want the ceaseless flow of vicious insults, sexist abuse and death threats to be sullied by anything as unpleasant as a ‘Vote Lib Dem’ message.
After Bideford in Devon was forced to drop its ‘Little White Town’ nickname because it sounds racist, the White Cliffs of Dover rebrand as the Chalky Outcrops of Kent.
THURSDAY
Ukip chooses its ninth new leader in three yea… oh never mind, he’s just quit.
ITV defends itself against MPs’ criticism that it gave airtime to an unpleasant bully who cruelly uses his position to demean others, insisting it really does have to cover Donald Trump’s press conferences.
F RI DAY
After admitting its mistake over the Sundae Bloody Sundae advertising campaign, McDonald’s abandons its plan to market a new range of Choc Isis and an Al-Shabaab Kebab.
Following Dame Julie Andrews’s revelation that she needed therapy to cope with her early success, mental health experts warn that dealing with your troubles by singing ‘supercalifragilisticexpialidocious’ is about as useless as homeopathy.
SATURDAY
More directors complain about Netflix adding a fast-forward button to their films, saying their work should be seen as intended: on a five-inch phone screen during a rush-hour journey – and with no headphones so the whole damn bus can hear.
Meanwhile, the streaming giant hits back by releasing speeded-up versions of some classic movies, including 12 Minutes A Slave, 28 Seconds Later and Ferris Bueller’s Lunch Hour Off.