MAD THE WORLD OF JOE MARLER
Family, dogs, ethics of fast food... even rugby! Inside the mind of the prop star
Sometimes you need to be aware when you are behaving like a d***head
WE should do a normal, cliche-full, politically correct interview for a change,’ says Joe Marl e r in a brief WhatsApp exchange, while finalising a time to meet at the local Starbucks. He arrives on time, as planned, yet an hour in his company is anything but normal.
‘You been watching The Witcher?’ he says, plonking his iPad on the table.
The plan was to discuss the prop’s second coming i n an England shirt. After half an hour or so, conversation does eventually turn to rugby, but not before a discussion on the ethics of fast food and the painful loss of his dog.
‘A company approach you, and you say “yes” or “no”,’ says Marler, bluntly, when the photographer asks how he ended up starring in a recent McDonald’s advert.
‘You make a decision based on your moral compass and whether or not it pays for your mortgage.
‘It was a hard decision with my wife, Daisy, because we’re quite particular on how we bring up our children. Funnily enough, most parents are — but not all.
‘ Have you seen that program? Feral Family? Channel 4? They eat what they want, go to bed when they want, do what they want. It’s f****** carnage.
‘We teach ours to love veg and things like that. They’d never had a McDonald’s until their nana took them out for the day and treated them to some chips. She said, “This is our secret… don’t tell mummy and daddy”.
‘ When they get back, the first thing that comes out of Jasper’s mouth is, “Guess what we had for lunch? McDuckDonalds!” When I told Daisy that I might do this gig for McDonald’s she said, “Do you think it’s a good thing to be promoting chips?” I told her you don’t have to eat chips every day… just on Free Fries Friday.
‘I said there is an alternative: I can quit rugby and all the other work to become a stay-at-home dad. She said, “No, it’s fine, you crack on with the advert”. Anyway, what do you want?’
The first subject of the interview is 2019. Twelve months ago, Marler was writing his first punditry column in The Mail on Sunday, having retired from international rugby. He reversed that decision in the summer and ended up playing for England in the World Cup final. So how does he reflect on the year?
‘A pretty s*** year,’ he says. ‘Not least because we lost one of our dogs. We didn’t really want to do Christmas but you have to when you’ve got kids. You can’t let them go into school and tell their mates, “Oh, we didn’t do Christmas”.
‘Then we lost another dog, Rufio, in the new year. He was eight. I drove out to the vets at 1am. I don’t think I’ve ever wailed so hard. I was balling my eyes out for the next 12 hours. Wait, is this a f****** counselling session?’
What about the rugby? ‘From a professional basis, it was one of the best times I’ve had. Watching England play Ireland in the first game of the Six Nations, proud as punch, gave me the itch — not crabs… a metaphorical itch.
‘I was very lucky to be given the opportunity to go to the World Cup and experience Japan and all its wonders. Asides from the final, which was s***, I loved it.’
Did Marler struggle to pick himself up? ‘It was really difficult, yeah. I found the first two weeks a combination of elation about being home with the kids — meeting my third born — and a feeling of lostness. You look around thinking,
“Is that it? What next?” You’re in the wilderness but then you get back to your club, get back into the groove and throw out a load of cliches. All about the next game, isn’t it?’
‘If we’d won the final, we’d have spent ages getting p****d and then that lostness would probably have just kicked in a bit later. If we’d won I’d probably be there thinking,
“Right, we’ve achieved that, so what else is there to do?” We didn’t achieve that, though, so there are a bunch of guys out t here now thinking, “Right, 2023, that’s my goal, that’s what I want to do”.’
Marler will be 33 by the time of the next World Cup in France. When asked if he is among the bunch of guys targeting 2023, he grabs the notepad and looks for an alternative line of questioning.
‘What’s wrong with your handwriting? What else have you got to ask? I told you… it’s all about the next game, isn’t it? I take each day as it comes. You never know what’s around the corner. Sometimes you’ve got to jump. It’s a game of two halves. You win some, you lose some.’
Spotting an easy out, Marler sees the Harlequins team chef walking by and bolts across the room. He shows him his new shoes and asks
the photographer to capture the moment. ‘ Crocs crossed with Birkenstocks,’ says Marler. ‘Do you like them? They stop the fat from burning your feet but also keep you cool.’ He returns to his seat. ‘ Back to the interview. What were we saying? Cliches? Game of two halves? Next game? My motivation now is to be happy consistently. Take the highs and the lows in as measured a way as possible. In the past, I haven’t always done that. Wait, is this a profound moment now?’
The pursuit of happiness has been an ongoing thing for Marler. He has spoken openly about mental health and seems reinvigorated from the player who retired from international rugby in 2018.
‘For a long time, I let external factors dictate what I thought,’ he explains. ‘The media, Twitter, the world. I sought help from others and learnt how to control my own thoughts.
‘ Do you watch the X Factor? Have you seen some of the people on there who sound like they’re killing a cat? They think they’re genuinely good because that’s what their friends tell them?
‘Sometimes you need that selfawareness to say, “You know what , I’m behaving like a d*** head”. I never used to compute any of that, so I behaved l i ke a d*** head. I still am a d***head occasionally, but I like to think I attack things with a far more positive approach.
‘For a long time, I would be very vacant at home; I wouldn’t be present. I was a negative influence on people at work.
‘ I never fell out of love with rugby but I just didn’t have as much motivation or passion. It became a chore. That happens with a job, doesn’t it? It becomes a means of making money. I was disruptive. Yellow cards, red cards.
‘I had a shift in mindset around May last year and felt I’d love to attack things from a different point of view. That’s what I did. Next, you’ll ask, “What about the other week? Sale away, yellow card, mate”. I know I’ve not fixed it. Sometimes I still let the team down, but I try to make amends for it. I’m very lucky to have been given another chance by Eddie (Jones) and the group.’
Now Marler is ready to go again. Any regrets? ‘ Only wearing a phlegm green t-shirt to my wedding’. His second coming continues against France today. Is the feeling of hunger stronger than ever? ‘You’ve just reworded your old question, mate. I’m not hungry because I’ve just had brunch. What would Mark Pougatch want as an answer? I can’t wait for the Six Nations. It’s going to be great. Young blood from France. Wales World Cup semifinalists, new coach. Scotland… You never know. Ireland… Faz at the helm. Italy… who’s the new coach of Italy again?
‘As for the World Cup final, the ’03 guys can keep on doing the dinner circuits for the next four years. I’ve seen enough clips on I nstagram of Cheslin Kolbe skinning me in the final.
‘Obviously I was gutted to lose the final, but do you know how old I am? Professional rugby is hard. I’m not Sergio Parisse, am I? All we’ve got i n common i s our hairline. My motivation is easy: get up in the morning and try my best to be happy.’