Tatler girl who survived the childhood from hell
The Consequences Of Love Gavanndra Hodge Michael Joseph £14.99
Gavanndra Hodge appears to be the standard, posh, glossy-mag girl: a blonde Cambridge graduate who grew up in West London and became deputy editor of Tatler.
The reality is one that she reveals to few: she’s the daughter of an alcoholic mother and a drug dealer. As a child she inhabited the chaos of her parents’ addiction, staying up late to make sure her dad’s junkie clients didn’t set themselves on fire and clearing up their detritus afterwards; being shoved into the bathroom with bags of drugs while police banged on the door. Her mother, a mess herself at that stage, left her to it.
This is shocking enough, but the book begins with something worse, the defining event of Hodge’s life: witnessing the sudden death of her nine-year-old sister, Candy, from a rare virus while they were on holiday in Tunisia.
Chapters flash back to her childhood and teenage years from the vantage point of her outwardly successful, middle-aged self – a glamorous journalist in a secure marriage with two young children. ‘How can I tell people who I am?’ she asks.
She often drinks herself sick, has a fractured relationship with her mother, and can’t remember anything about her sister apart from the moment of her death. It’s when she is asked by her editor to interview a psychotherapist specialising in grief that Hodge realises she needs to confront the tragedy of her own life.
Her father, Gavin, dominates the story. At once monstrous and hilarious, he’s a demonic figure who greets her friends with ‘So, ladies, who wants a line?’ and has sex with some of them. (Her parents’ marriage breaks up when her mother discovers one of these affairs.) Their relationship is complex and disturbing but also loving. He invites her into an adult world she is too young for, enticing her with booze and drug-fuelled lunches at flash restaurants.
As the book advances, Hodge comes to terms with the contradictions of this relationship and makes emotional advances with her mother. She also pieces together other people’s memories of Candy to come to a place of peace.
It’s a vivid and oddly entertaining memoir, a hand plunged into the dark hole of grief. While much of what emerges in her grasp is hard to look at, she also uncovers surprising treasures – most importantly, strength, resilience and love.