QUOTES of the week

‘If I kneel down I’ll never get back up again.’

Captain Tom Moore, 100, jokes before receiving his knighthood from the Queen at Windsor Castle.

‘I was tempted to say, “Your missus’s wardrobe would be helpful.” ’

Good Morning Britain’s Kate Garraway after David Beckham asked if there was anything he could do to help her. Kate’s husband Derek has been fighting for life since contracting coronavirus in March.

‘I’ll buy myself a fat suit.’

Adele impersonator Maria Herriott, who is having gastric surgery to match the singer’s 7st loss, when asked what she will do if the star puts the weight back on.

‘You are the worst kind of guest and that is selfish. I hope you have a good look at yourselves.’

Top chef Tom Kerridge is furious after 27 diners failed to honour their reservations at his London restaurant when it reopened after lockdown.

‘Dearest Fay, I’m so sorry your wonderful prostitute has not made it into the final cut.’

Fay Ripley recalls a letter of rejection she received from Frankenstein director Kenneth Branagh in 1994.

‘It’s too prevalent among certain groups now that assaulting police is part of the fun.’

Scotland Yard’s deputy commissioner Sir Stephen House after it was revealed that 165 officers were injured last month at protests and unlicensed music events.

‘My children have bottomless pits. I feel like a constant feeding machine.’

The Duchess of Cambridge on the ravenous appetites of George, Charlotte and Louis.

‘He does more prep and stats than me – and his are useful. Oh, I forgot. Clive, you are 65. Ageism alive and well in UK broadcasting.’

Sky Sports’ Jeff Stelling tweets in support of Clive Tyldesley, who has been replaced as ITV’s chief football commentator.