Last thing women need is a guru in a jump suit
ADELE looked bloomi ng in t he recent photo she released of herself after losing 7st. Pity she followed it up by paying tribute to Untamed, by American life coach Glennon Doyle. Oh no! Not another boost to the overinflated and potentially harmful self-help industry that dominates the publishing lists, our Instagram feeds and even our T-shirts.
Want one that says Live Your Best Life? Yours for upwards of £8.99.
Doyle has made a multi-millionpound fortune t hrough books, which combine her personal story with trite, ego-boosting messaging, and stadium speaking tours. She’s ON A lighter note, Adele’s snap with her Rapunzel-style ringlets is more proof of the appeal of curls. It’s amazing that a huge business has grown up around straightening, when so many people look so much better when they let their waves back in – even if Adele’s might have had the benefit of a good hairdresser just out of frame. a modern-day Billy Graham in a cream jump suit.
Now credit where credit is due. It clearly takes some kind of genius to make serious money out of phrases such as ‘When women learn to please, we forget who we are’ or the equally insightful ‘Every time you pretend to be less than you are, you steal permission from other women to exist fully’. And to have gathered a celebrity cheerleading girl gang that includes not only Adele, but Emma Watson, Reese Witherspoon and, naturally, Oprah.
You might say my views are a case of sour grapes, but I disagree. While I fully support anything that builds confidence and offers help and support to people who need it, investing in the idea that slogans can change your life, and that blind self-belief and self-obsession are the paths to success, can be genuinely damaging. They’re fine for those who are able to read or hear such messages and filter them for the odd worthwhile idea. But they are false gold for the many who gobble up the words of one guru after another in a search for answers to the condition we all share – that of being alive.
Life is messy and unpredictable. Plans get wrecked, hopes get dashed and often you come across people who are plain unpleasant.
We all, and this applies to both sexes (whereas it’s noticeable that a large amount of this self- help industry is aimed at women), have our down moments when everything feels out of control.
Similarly there are other times that are joyful and fulfilling. We come across unusual kindnesses and fascinating people. We find ourselves at exciting forks in the road. It’s a rich tapestry for sure.
The self-help industry thrives on the idea that life is a battleground to be conquered. That our starting point is as victims in need of a combat strategy in order to thrive, an infallible game plan to follow by the letter.
When I give occasional talks about my career, I am struck by how, in recent years, questions from the audience have become i ncreasingly driven by the belief that there are definitive answers to how to succeed – climbing the career path; juggling work and motherhood; l ooking good and feeling great round the clock. And self-help gurus feed this fallacy.
In itself, t here’s nothing wrong with looking for answers but their teaching rarely i ncludes the fundamental truth, which is that some things go right and some wrong. Live your best l i fe all you want but often solutions or part solutions are complex and pragmatic – ideas that don’t fit so neatly on an Instagram feed. The problem with this trend for mantras as crutches, and wishy-washy feminist memes (‘ I am woman. What’s your superpower?’) as a replacement for common sense, is it encourages the more unsure and vulnerable to put their trust in something that may well not work.
It replaces intelligent coping strategies with slogans, while the current fad for identifying syndromes, like the much-talked-about impostor syndrome, exacerbates the notion of suffering in some way, rather than accepting that you are simply experiencing perfectly natural doubt or insecurity, which is far less worrying.
I’d better stop. I’m starting to sound like a self-help guru myself.
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