TURNING AIR BLUE NO GOOD FOR YOU!
IDON’T know why, but I always find it a bit strange going to Imber Court, home of Met Police. I haven’t done anything wrong but I always get this feeling of guilt and impending doom there.
Maybe it has to do with Farnborough’s loss there last November when the Met had a player sent off after ten minutes and still beat us 4-3.
The thing is, it’s a very friendly club but, talking to two stewards, I discovered that perhaps I was not alone in my ill-feelings. They have a devil of a job getting a decent crowd down there!
They told me that the last time the club fielded a full team made up of policemen was 16 years ago. The last policeman to play for them left in 2012. They are heavily involved in the local community and have a good academy. Apparently, some players have joined the Met after playing for the club.
The team run out to The Clash, “I Fought The Law And The Law Won”, so at least they have a sense of humour!
For my return – or should that be re-sentencing – to Imber Court with Farnborough earlier this month, there was a feeling of de-ja vu when Louis Birch was sent off on the hour with the score at 1-1.
This time, however, no such indignation for Boro as Connor Cullen scored with five minutes left to seal the points and lay the ghost to rest.
A few days later, I headed over to Binfield, of the Hellenic League Premier, for their FA Vase third round game against AFC Uckfield Town, of the Southern Combination.
I love the set up at Binfield – a club formed in 1892, and now run by volunteers with manager Roger Herridge, a lovely man who gives so much of his time to football, at the heart of everything.
Binfield FC moved to their ground at Stubbs Lane in 1980. There is a new clubhouse, which has a splendid view of the whole pitch if it gets too cold or wet.
In fact, there were five women who stayed at their table for the whole game, getting through four bottles of prosecco in the 90 minutes! Now, that’s how to watch a game in style!
The kitchen is staffed by the very friendly Dollar and Sandra, and does great burgers and pies. Busy groundsman Micky Baldrey must have been freezing in his shorts on what was a cold winter’s day under a pale blue sky as the teams kicked off.
The air, though, was about to become much bluer. Now I’ve worked the comedy circuit for 40-odd years so I’m used to the odd swear word. But Uckfield have to be the sweariest team I have ever watched – I’ve never heard so many expletives in my life.
As I walked around the ground, I passed the Uckfield bench and heard this conversation:Manager to winger. “Come here.”
Winger walks a couple of steps closer. Manager. “Come here.” Winger walks all the way over. “What?” Manager. “Are you p*ss*d?” Winger. “No.” Manager. “Well do some f **** ng running then!”
Uckfield? They should call themselves f…never mind…!
But, for all their misplaced passion, it was Binfield who ran out 4-0 winners with goals from Josh Howell 2, Sean Moore and Josh Helmore.
Last weekend I had the joy of driving down to Weston-Super-Mare to watch Farnborough win 3-1 in the Southern Premier South.
I love visiting seaside towns in the winter. It’s like going to see a wounded animal. When I go to away games I always like to catch up with mates who live nearby.
This week it was John Hodge, another comic who lives and works in the town. We had a pint on the seafront and a bit of a catch up before heading to the Optima Stadium. I was sad to find that their seagull mascot was not present, he’s one of my favourites.
Reggie Young’s penalty put Farnborough in front , only for Weston-Super-Mare to equalise with the last kick of the first half through Aaron Parsons.
But it was two long-range goals which won it for Farnborough – first, Seth Owens, from all of 35 yards, and then from Andrew Sealy-Harris. The win lifted Farnborough up to seventh... could it be that those long-suffering fans can start to look up for a change, rather than down?