AN ENDING SCRIPT YOU JUST COULD NOT WRITE
THE ninth season of popular American television series Dallas in the mid-80s was effectively meaningless.
Those who didn’t enjoy the tales of the Ewing family and their massive oil empire would probably say they all were, but season nine took the biscuit.
As it turned out, the entire season was a dream of character Pamela Barnes Ewing. In the closing moments of the season finale, she awoke to the sound of running water and found her ex-husband Bobby Ewing – who had died in a hit-and-run at the end of the previous season – in the shower.
Season nine has since been referred to as the ‘dream year’ or ‘dream season’.
After recent events, clubs from Step 3 to 7 must be feeling the same way. With uncertainly over when football would return due to the coronavirus pandemic, the FA announced last week that those leagues had been terminated and that all records would be expunged.
It’s as though the season never existed, it was just a dream, a figment of someone’s imagination.
You have to feel for those clubs who have had an outstanding season. All that effort has come to nothing, bar an extraordinary U-turn.
Some clubs were looking as though they would become ‘Invincibles’. At Step 5, Eastern Counties Premier Stowmarket Town (P28, W23, D5) and Hellenic Premier Westfields (P26, W20, D6) were in with a chance of achieving that magnificent feat.
A rung down, Cherry Red Combined Counties Division One Jersey Bulls had notched 27 straight wins on their way to what they thought was promotion, notching up 99 goals and conceding just seven.
Southern Combination Division One Littlehampton Town (P22, W20, D2) and Hellenic Division One East Risborough Rangers (P23, W20, D3) were also aiming to make history.
Other clubs saw 100 goals wiped out quicker than you can say PointsPer-Game.
At Step 6, West Allotment Celtic had plundered 100 goals from 28 Northern League Division Two matches to top the standings, while in the South West Peninsula West, both leaders Helston Athletic (100 goals) and Saltash United (107) had rattled up a century.
While clubs at the top of the standings may have been left feeling ‘as sick as a parrot’ by the decision to wipe the slate clean, there will no doubt have been others at the opposite end ‘over the moon’ to see their records expunged.
Take BetVictor Southern League Division One Central Wantage Town for example. They had picked up just four points from their 28 league games and conceded a mammoth 121 goals in the process.
At Step 5, Wessex Premier Amesbury Town had only eight points to their name (they had also been deducted three points) and had let in a whopping 106.
A tier below, Wisbech St Mary had also shipped 106 in Thurlow Nunn Eastern Counties Division One North.
Toolstation Northern Counties Division One outfit East Hull had garnered just a solitary point from their 26 league games – and seen their opponents stack up 132 goals.
New College Swindon also had just a single point to their name, in Hellenic League Division One West, scoring just nine and conceding 131.
In the East, Abingdon Town let in 100 goals from their 20 games, while Lutterworth Athletic shipped 103 goals in United Counties Division One.
A handful of clubs had also seen their records expunged – Greenwich Borough (Southern Counties East Premier), Sidlesham (Southern Combination Division One), Wodson Park (Spartan South Midlands Division One), Pewsey Vale (Wessex Division One) and Leyton Athletic (Eastern Counties Division One South).
Little did they – or anyone else for that matter – no that everyone else would be joining them in the future.
For many clubs, the 2019-20 season hasn’t turned out like a dream – it’s been more like a nightmare.
As for modern day TV shows, there’s one that springs to mind for all those clubs from Steps 3 to 7 – Pointless!