IT FELT LIKE WE WERE IRANIAN
In 1998, Nick Hancock and I, went to October films with the idea of following the Iranian team at the World Cup in France. They took it to the BBC, who took it, then dropped it. Luckily Channel 4 stepped in, and optioned it. The next part of making the programme was to fly to Tehran and meet the Iranian FA. So in April we flew there. We arrived at 2am, and queued for an hour to get through Customs, then we took a cab to our hotel. It was pitch black as the street lights were turned off at midnight. Iran were playing in the LG Cup that week. A four-team tournament, between Macedonia, Hungary, Jamaica and the hosts. In an attempt to woo us, we were allowed to sit on the bench during the Iran v Hungary game at the Acadia Stadium. There were 60,000 partisan Iranian fans singing songs about were they would like to place the spout of a samovar in the referee’s person!
We then had a meeting with the head of the Iranian FA, who was also the Oil Minister. We bartered for ours, but no go. Then he suddenly looked at Nick with strange grin and shouted “Mr Bean!” We all looked confused. “You stole Mr Bean’s camera!” He then said if Nick acted the scene out with him as Mr Bean, we could have the rights. So Nick stood up and did it (they also wanted £30,000).
Our next meeting with the team was in Rijeka, in Croatia, for a friendly in June. We were staying in the same hotel as them. Though they never came down to the pool (except for Ali Daei). We were trying to bond with them, but we only saw them at breakfast and dinner.
Drills
We decided to go to practice the next morning. It was fantastic. They were short staffed, and after a while I offered to knock crosses in for Abedzadeh, the hard man, captain, and goalkeeper. He kicked me a ball. I knocked it across. He rolled it back to me. I did that for two hours for the next three mornings.
By then, Nick had ingratiated himself with the forwards (he always was a goal hanger), and was running drills with them. We had bought Iran shirts and wore them every day. Some of the staff at the hotel thought we were in the team. To tell you the truth Nick and I were beginning to believe it too. One morning
I went to his room and woke him up. He said:- “Do you think if one of the team get injured, they’d ask us to play?” They lost 2-0 to a good Croatia side and again, we sat on the bench with the players. But now it was different. These were our friends.
The next time we would see them was in Iran. We were going to take Hamid Estili from his mother’s house to the Airport. I know! Can you imagine Glenn Hoddle, letting two Iranian comedians, take Alan Shearer to Heathrow just before a World Cup? It wouldn’t happen. It was very moving.
Subbuteo
Everyone we met in Tehran was so friendly. You couldn’t comment on a painting on the wall without it being taken down, and given to you.
So, it was off to France. Nick and I managed to get some tickets for the England v Tunisia game, in Marseille. That was the last England away game I ever went to. I do not want to be associated with the fans that said they were following England that day. Most were drunk by 1pm. They do not represent my country. After the game we drove up to Yssingeaux, where the Iranians were based in a Patisserie College. We weren’t allowed in though, even though we had paid the money to the IFA. The French SAS didn’t like us, and there had been a lot of death threats against the team. Finally we won them round by drinking them under the table, and we were in. We took them a Subbuteo game, but we had to paint some Leeds players, as they didn’t make a team in Iran’s colours.
I was very nervous before the game in Lyon. The lads played well but the Yugoslavs nicked it 1-0 with a Mihajlovic goal in the 76th minute. We went back to our farm house half way up a mountain and drowned our sorrows.
Now they needed to beat the USA and Germany if they were to progress from the group stage. The press were already getting their knickers in a twist over the USA game, building it up politically. But I would not be in Lyon to see the game. I wanted to be in Tehran to watch it. Next time I’ll tell you about that crazy night in Tehran. If you would like to watch the film we made, it is called “The Outsiders” and the whole programme is on YouTube.