A JOB FULL OF HIGHS & LOWS
THE VIDEO on social media of former Cardiff City manager Mark Hudson telling his kids he had lost his job really hit home. As a father it resonates. When I first got into professional football it was obviously about driving forward with my own career ambitions but, also, I come from a humble background and I wanted to be a provider.
It’s the same now with my kids. I want them to have more than I had when I was growing up and I want them to see me happy. When things aren’t going well in full public view, how do you shelter them from that?
They are difficult conversations to have. Everything I do is for my kids. If I am not reaching my goals, all I think about is family because you feel like you’re letting them down.
That’s why I found the video from Mark so powerful. It gives a really good insight into the reality of football – we are all human and the highs and lows of the game have a ripple effect.
When we won last weekend – our third win in four – my kids had their Dad. Obviously I work doubly hard to get the next win but you can’t help but be happier around the place. All of a sudden you lose, it’s the total opposite. Management is the best job in the world. But also it can feel the most lonely. We went through a period in November and December where we didn’t win. I’d just won manager of the month in October.
I was miserable. I was in my office every day, away from my family, trying to find ways to fix it. You have to keep working to try and get it right – plus I put the manager of the month award away under my desk and a load of books! We’ve been winning again since I did that so maybe I will keep it out of sight. When we lose a game, my partner Becky will message me: Are you ok? I have a fourhour drive home after the majority of our games. That’s a lot of time to go over things in my head. When I get home I will get a nice cuddle from her and my kids, but she knows I might be in a good place.
Look, I’ve chosen to do this so it’s not an excuse but it can take you away from your family in an emotional sense. As we, and I, hopefully progress through leagues that will only increase, but it’s a challenge I relish.
Pressure
When you’re with your kids but your team is on a three-game losing streak, you’re not fully present. I’m sure many other managers will say the same. This is your life. When it’s not working, your life doesn’t work.
I can’t describe the feeling of losing. Defeats as a player don’t prepare for defeats as a manager. It’s like the world is over. That’s for me, anyway – and perhaps as I get older in this game I will establish better ways of dealing with it. My missus is great. If I am not present with the family on a Sunday, she will remind me.
My former assistant Steve Burr was a great foil because he’s been there and done it. He said to me he wishes, when he was younger, he had dealt with losses differently. I try and switch off but I have a bit of an OCD personality so I am on things constantly. Hereford is a wonderful football club with a passionate fanbase. Like my players and staff, they want to see us succeed. The reality is we are in a very tough division up against clubs who have far greater resources than we do. That doesn’t stop the expecnot tation. I have to find ways to adapt so we can compete and win games. When you don’t, at a club like ours, you are under pressure. Football is full of unique pressures. There is no escape. Even at these levels, everything is out there to see. It’s on social media, in the news. If kids go to school in the area you manage, they might get some playground stick.
Community
You have to be a certain type of person to be a manager. The reality is, when you win, no one is bothered. When you lose, the knives are out. It’s the way of the world. We played Kidderminster on New Year’s Day. We were on a bad run and, at 1-0 down, I took a bit of stick before we were able to turn it around and get a valuable point against a good team.
But there is the other side of it too. A core of Hereford fans get in touch with me every week with positive messages, which are great. I think they can see the work we are putting in at the club. Bringing the youth team back, we’re putting a college system to the forefront and I am constantly in the community trying to push the club forward.
I fully believe we will. As I’ve said, we are in a tough league. It’s crazy how tight the table is. But our recent run of form put us four points outside the play-offs ahead of this weekend. We’re doing everything we can to keep getting good results.