Bookends Festival interview – Don’t Mention The Coal Scuttle
In the first interview with authors featured at Benderloch’s Bookends Festival next month, we meet Graeme Pagan, co-author of a beautifully written book on bereavement called Don’t Mention The Coal Scuttle.
The two authors, old friends Graeme Pagan and Alison Pringle, met again by chance on a bus in Inveraray in 2010, three weeks after Graeme’s wife Heather had died of cancer aged 57, and three years after Alison’s husband Murray died aged 67. ‘We met, which kept us going a bit,’ the 81-year-old retired Oban lawyer recalled, ‘but then we decided to write a book together.
‘Heather was the love of my life,’ Graeme explained. ‘The first day of my retirement she found a lump and that was the start of a three-year struggle. It was a relatively peaceful end. She never complained.’
Bereavement, the book continues, can be ‘absolutely awful and the bizarre things that happen to the mind are both puzzling and frightening.’
Sorting through Heather’s things, Graeme found a forgotten gift from their early married life. ‘My son said, “Where did this dirty old coal scuttle come from?” I burst into tears. She would feed me, and I would bring the coal in. I did not know it still existed, and I got so upset seeing it after all these years.’ Hence the title of the book: Don’t Mention The Coal Scuttle.
‘Many other people have lost loved ones,’ Graeme said. ‘There are thousands and thousands of sob stories. I wanted to encourage people and give them a laugh or two. People do not like talking about bereavement, which is a shame because it helps if you can share experiences.’
The book’s preface continues: ‘Someone once said that death has become for us the “dirty little secret” that sex was for the Victorians. What this all adds up to is that if you are the partner left behind you will almost certainly be ill-prepared for what the loss will really mean.
‘Why this book is particularly important is that it is not just somebody’s sob story. They are stories from real people who have been through and are going through what is, without a doubt, one of life’s very worst experiences.
‘The authors are honest and pull no punches. Despite the over-riding sadness, laughter is guaranteed. Furthermore, the book is filled with examples of what some people have done to make things perhaps a little easier. There is no cure for bereavement, but life goes no and it must be made worthwhile even without your loved one.’
Graeme and Alison are due to speak at the festival on Saturday September 30 at 7.30pm in the Reading Room in Benderloch’s Victory Hall. You can find the festival’s full programme at its website www.bookends.scot, and further updates on its Facebook page, Bookends Festival Benderloch.