More Roamerisms from the 1980s
It was ceilidh time in the Small Isles as the directors and officials of Lochaber Limited, our local enterprise company, went to work – on Eigg. Overseas, aboard the Shearwater. The novel twist for their meeting and workshopping with the islanders of Eigg and Muck was that the business was being conducted aboard the Shearwater itself. The Small Isles cognoscenti among you will know that the vessel also doubles – and, in some cases, trebles – as the Eigg pub. The Shearwater is licensed and the locals troop down to the pier when it arrives to have a chat, a dram and a beer. So the Lochaber Limited ‘Boarding Party’ went with a real swing, with the islanders appreciating the efforts of the company in taking time out to sail across to meet them.
After working on seven consecutive nights, the Magnificent Seven from C Shift went to the Volley for a hard-earned pint. Led by Jimmy, they trooped in – much to the delight of their host, Sammy Ball. Sammy pulled four pints of lager and three of heavy. But Jimmy had been telling his mates all week that, much as he looked forward to having a pint at the end of constant night shift, the first one always tasted ‘horrible’. So ‘Cheers’! cried the lads, before each one of them, solemnly, leaned over the bar, and poured his pint down Sammy’s sink. Sammy, whom you’d think had seen it all in his catering career, was amazed. ‘Why the hell did you do that?’ he asked, totally flummoxed. ‘Well,’ responded Morry, ‘Jimmy here’s always going on about the first pint after constant night shift tasting horrible, so we’re starting this night out with the second pint instead. Same again, please, Sammy!’ (Not since the Sunday when Sammy, in the long black raincoat, black suit and Homburg hat was heading into town, was greeted at the town park by two elderly ladies who said in unison, ‘Good Morning, Father’ has Sammy been so lost for words.)
The five cash prizes in the Eagle Club draw were won by – five Macs. Three MacDonalds, a MacKinnon and a MacLean
Architectural corner one. Now they’ve cleared away the scaffolding from outside the Bank of Scotland the building is looking quite pristine. But why did the architects have to spoil it all by siting the monumental, monolithic, marbled ‘money take-out machine’ alongside the bank’s portals? Architectural corner two. Quite a few locals had a good look at the cleared area of the Parade, and recognised the once-familiar red brick foundations of the Garrison Theatre, which once stood there, and also stood in as our school canteen.
Willie Anderson was pushing the boat out at the Old Forge pub at Inverie at the weekend. Literally, I might add. And, no, he wasn’t standing his hand at the Knoydart hostelry. Willie was going fishing with a couple of colleagues from Lochaber Mountaineering Club, or was it Lochaber Mountain Rescue Team? Well, it might have been less expensive if Willie HAD stood his hand. For his brand new fishing rod is now at the bottom of Knoydart Bay, despite the valiant attempts by his mates to rescue it. This included the efforts of two of them who actually dived into the briny to try to reel it in – ken!
The clerical claret was receiving the treatment in a Lochaber hostelry. Somehow, however, the wine ordered by a local clergyman had been chilled. As he pointed out, quite reasonably, red wine should be served at room temperature. So the offending claret was whisked away and given a degree or two more – in the microwave! It emerged nearer its preferred condition. But I don’t know whether the Reverent gentleman blew hot or cold over the final delivery.
Out they stepped for the final tug o’ war competition of the season. On Island Park, Kinlochleven. With the SPPM All Stars as the ‘crowd puller’. The brand new rope was paraded. It had been cut to length, or, as it turned out, half-length. So, when the first two teams tried to take the strain they discovered they were becoming more friendly with one another than the rules allow - for the rope was just about long enough for one team to grasp.
‘Next item concerns the ‘Scottish Assembly’,’ announced madam chairman of the council’s resources and general purposes committee. This drew much mirth from the Lochaber House Labour benches, in particular. On the agenda, in fact, was the ‘Scottish Ensemble’, and it referred to a forthcoming visit to Fort William by the musicians who play under that title.
Ex-Commando Jack Lewington from Didcot had an interesting tale to tell at the weekend. For it is on Jack that the central figure of the Commando Memorial is modelled. As he told me: ‘It was quite an experience when I first came face to face with myself at Spean Bridge.’