More Roamerisms from the 1980s
A consignment arrived at the BA from Woodford Green in Essex. The labels were clearly marked ‘BA Highland Smelters, Lock Harbour Works, Fort William, Lochabria’. A fax message was soon winging its way to Essex pointing out that it would be helpful, in future, if the address was correct and, in particular, that it should be ‘Lock Harbour No More’.
Still on the subject of the BA. ‘Cheese again!’ sighed Willie, as he peered at his piece. ‘That’s the fourth time this week I’ve had cheese and it’s only Thursday.’ So his workmates, understandably, got onto him. ‘Why didn’t you get herself to put something different on your piece?’ Willie’s answer? ‘Och, she’s away at her sister’s this week, and I’ve been having to make up the piece myself.’
It was wet, wild and windy on Tuesday evening, so spare a thought for the male paper chasers from a High Street bank who spent the darkening hours scouring the roadway and pavements for assorted pieces of documentation which had been blown to the four winds. A big black bag full of bits of paper had been left out for the bin lorry. But the strong gusts wheeched it up in the air and into the path of a passing truck. There was an almighty ‘bang’ as the bag burst and then the contents were strewn all over the High Street. Alerted to the ‘Documentation Explosion’, the bank boys were soon on the scene, took stock of the situation and set to carrying out their salvage operation. This they did with great efficiency and aplomb. (I had to say that because I bank there!)
Nice touch at the Fort William Angling Association annual dinner. The trophies were presented by Grace Neilson. Traditionally the lady handing over the prizes receives a bouquet. ‘However,’ said Ian Mackie, the association secretary, ‘with Grace being a florist we decided she should have a box of chocolates instead!’
With the arrival of two sets of twins in Victoria Road, motorists and passers-by marvelled at the midwifery skills of Lesley, the vet, as she delivered them. The wee lambs. In the back of a farm trailer, at that. It transpired that the expectant ewes had been driven to the vets’ surgery because of farmyard complications with the lambing. And Lesley stepped into the ‘breach’.
But no such ‘arrivals’ at the Belford. Where worthies such as George, William, Jimmy, Donald and Nannie have been spending varying amounts of time in the hospital’s maternity ward! No ‘bundles’ to show for it, however. Here again the answer is simple enough. The medical ward has been having quite a facelift operation and a number of patients had to be transferred to Matty. Which certainly did wonders for everyone’s morale, not to mention setting a new trend in ‘get well’ cards!
Have you seen the ad on the telly about a ‘squeak’ coming from a new car which the old man with the oil can finally tracked down due to the earring of a lassie in the passenger seat? There’s a sequel. Malky pulled in for petrol in the Fort. As a young lad was filling up the tank there came a series of ‘squeaks’. The lad tried all he knew to track down the source, including the Delaney’s Donkey technique of pushing the car, pulling at it, and shaking it all about. To no avail. Malky joined in by kidding on he had spotted a formation of greylag geese up above the filling station. But then Malky gave in and burst out laughing. He opened up the car’s hatchback (appropriately) and there, nestling inside, were a pair of ducklings he’d bought up at Croy. Aye, it was all good quack.