More Roamerisms from the 1980s
A fine fellow of my acquaintance, whose mansion is but a short jog from the Mill, was telling me about a chilly domestic incident at New Year. It was a cold and frosty morning and he was about to receive a telling off from his wife for something he had or hadn’t done. In order to better berate her man, she went through to the bathroom to put in her false teeth. However, you’ll be glad to know he didn’t get a snappy reprimand because her wallies were frozen solid in their glass. It certainly qualified both of them for the ‘Lochaber Wallies of the Year’ title.
A Ballachulish reader rang up on Thursday to point out a howler in the paper. Somehow a proposed hot food takeaway had become a hot 'foot' takeaway’ in the text of the story. Still, I felt better on Saturday when watching the Channel 4 racing. Their turf correspondent, a calamity man if ever there was one, was giving an appreciation of a ‘Racing Lord’ after whom one of the Sandown races had been named. And he actually said: ‘ Lord ------ has achieved immorality among the English!’
The frost took its toll on several cars on Monday morning. They wouldn’t start. So it was gratifying to note an AA van, flashers flashing, towing another vehicle along Belford Road at 9am. The other vehicle was an AA Landrover.
They’ve been doing a roaring trade in nearly new clothing in one of our charity shops. Apparently it has sold a complete outfit of suit, shirt, tie, socks and shoes to a young man to wear to a wedding for an outlay of just £10. And he was very well ‘groomed’ too. Who needs the January sales?
Friday night at Sammy’s. No, it wasn’t the wedding reception, but a well lubricated customer came in and requested a ‘take spy supper’. And that’s what he got. To steak away.
The regional council has been doing good work in Monzie Square this week raising the kerbing which tops the three steps up into the square from Cameron’s coal office to where the cars are parked. So, hopefully, gone are the days when folk arrive at our office on the opposite side of the square and ask if we’d give them a hand to lift their car out as they’d driven over the edge of parking area.
Well now, are you the Mr Fort William, Mrs Fort William, Miss or Ms Fort William whom consultants are seeking as the ‘vital, bright spark’ to ignite our town’s fortunes. You’ll have gathered that such a person is required to champion the Gearasdan’s cause in the revolutionary new movement to be known as ‘Forward Fort’. The contract is to focus on a project ‘hit list’ to deliver developments to the Fort ‘within a predetermined timespan’. Are you still with me? If so, are you prepared to step forth for the Fort? Forward, then!
There was a nice touch at last weekend’s Belford Hospital get together of past and present staff. The entire company of 106 signed a get well card to a former staff member who couldn’t be present. And it was despatched to him at Freeman Hospital in Newcastle where he recently underwent a major operation. Aye, Sam Galbraith was well remembered at the ‘do’.
Archie Paterson has come up trumps at Claggan Park. Archie, having read recently in a Sunday paper of various bakers who supply pies for consumption at their home football grounds, has decided to do just that for Fort William Football Club. From now on, at each home game, Archie will be donating three dozen pies to be sold at Claggan Park for club funds. So get in the queue next Saturday.
Monday evening’s Fort William Round Table (FWRT) Charter Dinner in the Grand went off with panache. However, just before grace, the Round Table chairman felt obliged to intervene lest any embarrassment accrued to one open-neck shirted gentleman who was standing at reception. ‘I hope you don’t mind, but it’s black tie and formal dress tonight,’ he said. To which a slightly bemused, casually but smartly dressed Mickey Whitehead responded: ‘Well, if it is, it’s the first time the Ben Nevis Race Association (BNRA) committee meetings required dicky bows. Yes, FWRT and BNRA both had meetings that night. I now await word as to whether competitors in this year’s Ben Race will be required to wear strippit trousers.
Recent anecdotes about Dougie Grant have prompted Billy ‘Sooty’ MacLeod to provide a follow-up. Dougie liked a dram in the Fort on a Saturday afternoon. But he never ventured further than the public bar of the Alex so he could get back to the town park quickly if there was shinty or football on there. On this particular day it was football. A Fort select were playing a Commando select. Dougie arrived and asked Sandy Leishman the score. ‘9-1’, Sandy replied, despondently, on either side of his memorable shout of ‘C’mon Fort William, C’mon!’ It wasn’t necessary for Sandy to confirm which team had netted one over the eight. Not surprising as the Commandos, of course, were super-fit and had several professional players in their ranks. Dougie, however, put it all down to a different reason. Said he: ‘Our Gearasdan lads aren’t getting enough lard to grease the rims of a pair of specs, but these Commandos are living off the fat of our land.’