RETRO Roamer
More items from 30 years ago
There’s a moose loose aboot the ‘Burroo’. It appeared during a hectic morning last week. The wee mouse was soon scooped up – with no questions about signing on – and put in a carrier bag. Then it was taken, gently, along the High Street and set free around the Old Fort.
Occasionally in this column, a few verses – either homespun or contributed – make an appearance. Here’s an offering by Tam Briseach: It’s titled The Oracle, or That Blinking Bank Machine Again:
Each weekend the faithful wend their way, Towards their favourite shrine within the town. And secret rites perform without delay,
Which hearten some but make a fair few frown. A talisman appears to be the key,
Which operates the Oracle’s replies.
And soon the apprehensive devotee
Will learn if fortune favours or denies.
But recently the Sphinx is growing fickle, Which customers don’t consider funny.
And clients are heard to say, I’m in a pickle – This thing’s broken down again – and I’ve no money.
It’s all happening down Ardnamurchan way. There’s plenty of dough for Acharacle with the new bakery and Roamer has it a kebab shop is to open there, too. ‘De tha dol?’, the peninsula paper, had a mention on Radio Scotland the other night. And Glenborrodale Castle Hotel is heading for fame, Gleneagles style. Meanwhile there are calls for a Gaelic Medium School to be set up locally.
It looks as if Lochaber District Council’s 15 members will be receiving their insignia of office later this year. I’m not against that sort of recognition, but I think the long-suffering press corps, who cover the council’s every public move, should also qualify for some form of acknowledgment. For they, too, deserve medals.
Meanwhile, the simulated nuclear explosion and smokescreen at the Underwater Centre last week proved to be of the damp squib variety. Indeed, the exercise brought the comment of the week from councillor John Campbell at Monday’s meeting in Lochaber House: ‘How was the explosion’? asked Miss Maclean of Ardgour. ‘I’ve seen more fire and smoke coming from your Woodbine,’ replied councillor Campbell.
A party from Lochaber High School on their visit to Paris were advised by their teachers that, really, the French DO speak ‘good English’, but don’t usually advertise the fact. Just at that moment the group stopped outside a sports shop called ‘The Athlete’s Foot’.
It was so hot in the Picture House last week, patrons were handed wet paper towels when they entered so they could wipe their soon to be fevered brows. And they were supplied with sheets of paper to use as fans!
‘Make Your Way to Stornoway’ has become the favourite song of Donald Watt and Willie Anderson of Lochaber Mountain Rescue Team after their exploits of Friday night. What started off as a ‘single’ with a short helicopter flight to Knoydart became an ‘EP’ when they found themselves still aboard the Sea King – in Stornoway. And they graduated to ‘LP’ status when they were evacuated to Lossiemouth. For an encore, Donald and Willie had a 90-mile road journey back to Fort William, with a police escort! A long way to go just for a pint in the Nevis Bank. By then they were singing a duet, ‘Yellow Bird’.
Then there was the local family playing a popular question and answer game. No, not Pictionary. One of the answers was ‘The White House’ and another was Buckingham Palace. The game was being tackled in great spirit and on a sort of forfeit basis. So it was that the man of the house found himself being dared to phone the White House and ask for President Reagan. He rang Washington – but Ronald wasn’t in, not even for our Lochaber ambassador. So he then dialled the palace. He got a speedy response from ‘security’. Before he could even ask to speak to a member of the Royal Family, the security man wished him well in a Scottish accent, saying: ‘You’re playing Trivial Pursuits, aren’t you’?
A local hotel has been advertising in ‘Lady Magazine’ for staff? And us with 613 females on the ‘Burroo’ this month!
If you spend £20 in Victoria Wine, you qualify for one of those nicely faded green and white company carrier bags. Last Friday I was in the off-licence – checking out the cheese counter! I lashed out on £20.43 worth. I was advised this entitled me to a 60p discount. You’ll have calculated my expenditure had fallen below the magical £20 figure. So I was disqualified from receiving the carrier and contented myself with a Chateau Fromage cardboard box. Oh and 60p!
Meanwhile the Presto checkouts were going like a fair. Up to the till comes an overseas visitor. ‘Do you accept foreign currency?’ he enquired. ‘Well, I’m not too sure,’ replied the understandably apprehensive lassie at the checkout. Those of you from the Midlands, Geordieland, the Lake District, Devon and the ‘Smoke’, who now call Lochaber ‘home’ will be relieved to know that the English £5 note proffered by the visitor was accepted without demur – and with no commission deducted.
The mention of carrier bags reminds me that, the other day, I was walking through the street bearing identical carriers laden with messages. A blue overall appeared out of Marshall’s and the accompanying voice shouted: ‘Oh, look, a walking set of weighing scales!’ As if that wasn’t enough, I’d only got as far as the Picture House when another local wag piped up from the general direction of Kitchen’s: ‘Is this you off on holiday with your matching set of luggage’?