More Roamerisms from the early 1990s
❚ Bert Bissell climbed the Ben again. For the 103rd time. Aged 89. Fortunately, Bert had a few old-stagers from Lochaber Mountain Rescue Team to keep him company. No names, no rucksack drill. En route, lots of folk – locals and visitors – shouted encouragement to the grand old man as he put his best foot forward. And when Bert eventually returned to earth at Achintee, two girls who had been observing his progress up and down the Ben, came running up to him. On hearing Bert had made it to the summit, they were delighted, And each gave him a great big kiss. Bert’s verdict? ‘Wonderful!’
❚ Everyone agrees the colourful hanging baskets of flowers have immediately enhanced Fort William High Street. They look really good and give the Gearasdan a much more pleasant and welcoming appearance. Next, of course, the Fort will be flying the flag to mark the town’s tercentenary and royal visits.
❚ ‘Bride goes to wedding reception in Lagonda’. So trumpeted the Lochaber News billboards last week. Thanks to ‘Jean in circulation’ getting her Lagonda mixed up with her gondola!
❚ It was heart-warming to know that, of the 2,000 people (20,000 wanted to be there) who were in the Usher Hall in Tuesday night to see Sean Connery receive the Freedom of Edinburgh, the invitee emphasis was on the ‘ordinary men and women’ – from Fountainbridge, Morrison Street and the Haymarket. So, wouldn’t it be great, when the Queen and the Duke arrive in the Fort for the tercentenary, if several representatives of the local ‘common five-eighths’ are in the lineup to greet them? Aye, right!
❚ In December last year, I wrote to council officialdom asking when the much-vaunted skateboarding spectacular would be screened on the telly. A letter from STV, dated St Andrew’s Day, was produced, and I quote from it: ‘Scottish Television will not be showing the skateboarding programme as it has been withdrawn by the IBA because it contravenes their guidelines.’ So there! Belatedly. And to compound the amateurish folly of the skateboarding spectacular, further explanatory letters arrived from a producer of what had been scheduled to be televised. His correspondence on the issue was addressed to ‘Locharbour District Council’!
❚ Meanwhile, senior management of a TV consortium, seeking the north’s ITV licence, were a bit bemused by their poor reception in Fort William. They had come here to extol the virtues of their bid for the Grampian TV concession. Only to be told by Abbie Kitson and Allan Watson that, ahem: ‘We don’t get Grampian here!’ Indeed, they were advised that the only way to guarantee local reception would be to shift Ben Nevis a mile or two to the right.
❚ For some of the elected members of our local authority the current cycle of meetings is proving very useful in enhancing their overall fitness. Because, midway through the ‘Locharbour House’ proceedings you’re liable to see the day’s nominated councillor arise from his/her chair, gather a few coins from colleagues, and disappear from the chamber. ‘Why?’ you may ask. Is it for an ice cream collection, or soft drinks, or, dare I say it, cigarettes or cigars? But no! The councillor on standby has gone to ground in order to feed the parking meter to ensure that none of his/her colleagues gets fined for overstaying their short-term welcome. Several members picked up tickets during the month of June. So now there’s a rota system, aimed at beating Highland Region’s Roads and Transport ‘policy’.
❚ The members of Fergie’s Band were being scattered to the four winds – on Islay. They were there to officially open festival week at Bowmore Hall. And the musicians had taken their cars across on the ferry to Port Askaig. After the sell-out Saturday night concert, and a few hours’ sleep, the musicians – five in all – piled into their respective vehicles and then waited at Port Askaig for the return trip to the mainland. But there was no sign of Fergie or John Don – or a ferry. Fergie hadn’t told his colleagues that the Sabbath sailing was from Port Ellen. However, they all managed to improve the shining hour by rewriting the words of the tune Leaving Port Askaig. It’s a very slow air entitled NOT Leaving Port Askaig.
❚ Fort William FC are set on winning a trophy – The Fort William Tercentenary Challenge Cup. Against Scottish Cup holders, Motherwell. According to FWFC secretary Drew Purdon, the first leg at Claggan Park in July will be followed by the return game at Fir Park – in July 2291. So, whoever wins at Claggan, will retain the trophy for 300 years … until the match at Motherwell.
❚ Local lady, shopping in Marshall’s. Having purchased, among other items, a red plastic bucket, she then walked along the street to meet up with her husband at Tweeddale. As she stood, clutching her bucket, outside Lochaber House, two young lads came by. They glanced at the lady, then at the bucket, and both of them lobbed 50p into it. Our heroine was mortified!