More Roamerisms from the early 1990s
Locals are asked to note that the ‘Highland Extravaganza’ will not be taking place as advertised. Unfortunately, the organisers have found themselves short of a fair few of the 100 pipers they had hoped would be able to give them ‘a blaw, a blaw’ for the occasion.
When is the next meeting of Lochaber District Council’s Fort William tercentenary sub-committee? Presumably the celebrations are to continue for most of 1991 – or did it all end after the royal visit? Committee members might, for example, look into pedestrianising the High Street.
After all, it was a highly successful experiment when the street was closed to traffic when the Queen was here. The thoroughfare was thronged with ‘towrists’ and locals and you could tell which ones belonged to the Fort – they kept looking behind them in case there was a car, bus or lorry coming along.
‘Oh! You’ve given me Scottish pound notes,’ wailed an agitated lady from the far south, as she checked her change in William Low’s. ‘Well, you are in Scotland, madam,’ came the withering reply.
Sharon was waitressing in the Snow Goose Restaurant. She came up to a table occupied by a young couple, one blond, the other, blonde. ‘Excuse me, are you finished?’ Sharon enquired courteously.
‘No, we’re Swedish’, was the smiling response.
‘Black Friday’ last week. It rained for the first time since the middle of August. Lochaberites were looking at the raindrops in disbelief.
Still, it gave some folk the chance to air – and wet – their bank umbrellas. Isn’t that right, Councillor ------- ?
Joe Gillies’ fans will know he stars on a CD of romantic ballads. One of the hits on it is Bonnie Glenfinnan. So try to picture the following scene: Danny and Ian were toiling at Glenfinnan, unloading a lorry.
The midges, of course, were ‘coorse’. But the duo had come semi-prepared. Eventually both were seen kitted out with ‘stocking masks’ to ward off the midge menace. That ploy soon failed miserably, however.
Next thing Ian was buraching about in the cab of the lorry.
‘Have you got a CD of Joe Gillies in here?' Ian queried. ‘Aye,’ replied Danny, ‘but what the devil do you want it for just now?’ Ian’s answer was subtlety itself. ‘Well I figured if we put on Bonnie Glenfinnan and turn up the volume, that’s bound to chase the midges away!’ It did!
Who is Hector McDram? Hector’s eight feet tall, kilted and stands to attention outside the Ben Nevis Distillery Visitor Centre. And Hector is the star of the hugely humorous, informative video in the centre’s 25-seater cinema. It’s claimed Hector was the landscape gardener giant who made Ben Nevis for his footstool. I’ve had a close look at him and I reckon the eight-footer is an enlarged reproduction of a certain Fort William architect. However, the video version is modelled on a well-kent employee of the BA Factory close by, who occasionally features in this column.
Mr Takeshi Taketsuru (note the TT initials!), chairman of Ben Nevis Distillery, spoke in Gaelic in response to the speech by Iain Robertson, chief executive of Highlands and Islands Enterprise, when the visitor centre was opened officially. ‘Slainte mhath,’ he declared, fervently.
Earlier in the day, Ross San and his staff had been providing the finishing touches for the launch of the visitor centre. And Mr Taketsuru went on to demonstrate his knowledge of local affairs by advising he had checked up on the booking for dinner at a well-known local hotel to ensure it could cater for all the invited guests.
It’s not only the auction mart that deals with livestock. The paper mill doesn’t do too badly in that connection, either. Roe deer, a pheasant or two, guinea pigs and sundry cats and dogs are regular visitors to the Annat premises. Last week there was another nature study aspect. The stretch-wrap machine ground to a halt and after its two huge guard plates were fork-lifted off, there, in the pit over which the machine’s motor hangs, was a mouse. A live mouse.
It’s only a rumour, though, that production stopped for two days while half the workforce tried to catch it.
Meanwhile, in the dry and warm area next to the extractor fans, two sheep drop in – and then drop off – during the night.
It’s getting more like a safari park than a paper mill.