More Roamerisms from the early 1990s
Our West Highland News Agency in Monzie Square came close to having a special delivery in time for the Old New Year on Wednesday, courtesy of a carrier from East Kilbride. ‘This The Square, Fort William?’ enquired the driver. ‘Aye, one of them,’ says I. ‘Well, I’ve got a rake of paper carrier bags for Hornell, The Square, Fort William,’ the driver continued. ‘See’s a look at your delivery note,’ I pursued. It read: ‘Hornell, The Square, Port William.’ Exit one crestfallen delivery van driver. South, by south west.
The demolition of Fraser’s Central Garage revealed what the Highland Region planners describe as a ‘node’. And it’s a particularly delightful ‘node’ when viewed from Monzie Square and the High Street. A new vista of Loch Linnhe and ‘the other side of the loch’ has been opened up. Aye that’s one the planners have got right – even if it is ironic that it required the razing to the ground of a long-standing building for locals and visitors to be able to appreciate this new, aesthetic point of view.
Primaries one and two from St Mary’s went on a coach trip to Arisaig last week. Sunshine all the way, of course, so the sky lights were wide open. Around about Lochailort wee Cara McGhee was most annoyed to see her new multi-coloured cagoule being wheeched ‘through the roof’. It was spirited away by the combination of breeze and air currents. The coach driver was bade to stop while former pupils Emma and Fiona – who were acting as mentors – were dispatched to scour the Road to the Isles for the gadabout garment. The pair searched high and low, but no sign of it. Cara was very put out – just like her cagoule. But wait. The cavalry was at hand, in the shape of Willie, at the wheel of his Highland Region van. Willie caught up with the St Mary’s party at Arisaig. ‘Did a wee jacket come through the roof?’ he asked. ‘I think I know where it is likely to have landed. I’ll look for it when I go back to Lochailort and hand it in to you when you come back from your run.’ And that’s exactly what happened. So Cara and the teaching staff would like to say: ‘Thank you very much Willie for your local knowledge, watchfulness and thoughtfulness.’
Those of you following the European Championships probably thought Tuesday this week was to be a blank footballing day. Oh no, it wasn’t, as Claggan Park was the venue for a six-a-side challenge match between the cream of Lochaber House – a local authority derby between councillors and officials. The final result has not been ratified, of course, until a decision is made by the full council. But both camps did issue pre-match agenda papers. ‘This will give us a chance to have a kick at the officers,’ stated the elected members. ‘We’re looking forward to having the opportunity to have a go at the councillors for a change,’ was the word from their ‘opposition’.
‘Let there be light’ was the decree by one of the recently elected committee chairpersons on Lochaber District Council. And the result was that all the very expensive exhibition boards ranged round the chamber were removed to allow sunlight through the windows of Lochaber House. So what happens? Next day British Waterways Board brought along drawings and plans of their ‘Canal Parks housing estate’ but there was nowhere within the chamber to display them.
Until last Thursday’s market day, Cathy hadn’t been in town for ages. However, she ventured over from Caol for curtain material and bought ‘a nice piece of net’. Cathy was holding it up above her head to study the pattern when an old acquaintance came along and exclaimed: ‘Cathy, I haven’t seen you for years. Is this you getting geared up to do your Matron of Honour at a wedding?' A red-faced Cathy quietly took her leave saying: ‘I’ll need to rush. I’ve got to get to MacLean the Dairy to pay the milk.’
Alan Kimber handed me a cutting from the Scottish Daily Express on the subject of the hotel and catering industry in the Highlands. Here is an excerpt: ‘Highland hoteliers are in favour of a scheme to establish a hotel school in Inverness. It is felt imperative something be done to polish up the catering services in the north. Many towns are almost entirely dependent on the tourist industry, so surely a trade so important to our economy should be carried out by suitably trained people. The correct approach to the guests is essential because often the first impression is the lasting view. It is so important receptionists, waiters and housemaids be properly trained.’ And the date of the article? January 1946.
The Scottish Office was on about another kind of ‘rain’ the other day. In a letter to Lochaber District Council about this year’s housing capital allocation, our local authority was urged to ‘reign back’ on its expenditure. And that’s from the same Scottish Office which publishes the league tables of school exam results.