More Roamerisms from the early 1990s
‘Is the time difference between Scotland and England an hour or half an hour?’ Aye, Hannah in the tourist office was asked this question by a visiting dowager type from south of the border, whose elderly companion also wanted to know how many times a day the gondola cable car outside Nevisport went up and down. He was deadly serious, and was singularly unimpressed to learn that the gondola just sat there all day – and night – even when the clocks change.
Meanwhile, fed up with being asked if there’s a road, rail or cable car access to the top of Ben Nevis, a team from our combined local tourist information offices went up the Ben on Saturday in an attempt to get enough publicity to dispel the notion once and for all. Eleven of them put their best foot forward. And they all completed the up and down trip. After they reported back for work on Monday, still stiff and sore but so much more knowledgeable about the Ben, they have been able to tell our visitors completely convincingly that there’s no road, rail or cable car operation! And, to put the icing on the cake – or snow on the summit of their Ben Nevis exploits – the tourism team raised £500 in sponsorship for the Fort William branch of Imperial Cancer Research.
Oh, and whisper it, Hugh Dan MacLennan, local author of the book The Ben Race, to be published in December, climbed the Ben last Tuesday. By coincidence, Hugh Dan’s jaunt was made 90 years to the day that Willie Swan made the first recorded run up and down our mountain. And it was a first for Hugh Dan as well.
A coming event of a different kind will be taking place at Lochaber District Council’s Leisure Committee meeting when the MacLean family from Claggan will state their case as to why they should be allowed to keep two ferrets as pets in their homestead. The ‘Futrut Question’ will be the first item on the agenda .
There was talk at a previous council meeting of introducing infrared tagging for Lochaber’s canine population. So that, if the dogs are allowed to stray by their owners, they can be electronically pinpointed by the dog warden. ‘Perhaps we could extend this scheme to trace absentee councillors?’ suggested Jackson Anderson, the newly elected Environment Committee chairman.
How about this for a stroke of luck? A local lass, aye - connected with the tourist trade - fancied a bet on the big race on Saturday. So she phoned a colleague who has an account with ‘a leading bookmaker’. ‘Would you put £3 to win on Maroof for me?’ she asked. Colleague explained that the minimum wager his bookie would accept as a single bet was £10. So, what did he do? He staked £20 on Maroof’s nose. And what did Maroof do? It scooshed home at 66-1. That’s what. What a pity it wasn’t called Maroon – I’d have backed it myself.
The contractors will soon be digging outside the Post Office, for they’ve re-excavated everywhere else in town. Outside the PO, they’re likely to uncover the Spout Burn which flows down under Bank Street and used to pass, openly, between Marshall’s Garage and the TSB. Indeed, the womenfolk from around Tweeddale and Linnhe Road washed the clothes in the Spout. So maybe the contractors will uncover the odd semmit or sark.
Nevis Radio’s Malcolm Brown was interviewing Keith Cameron, home on holiday from the Big Smoke. Keith is a successful writer for New Musical Express. Malcolm, conscious of the status of his programme, decided to introduce Keith as editor of New Musical Express or, if you like, ‘NME number one’! The streets of London are obviously not paved with gold discs, so Keith had to come home to the Fort to earn his promotion.
It’s real rain that’s been persisting down this week. And, strange to relate, despite being used to our local rainfall over the years, we’re not taking kindly to so much precipitation in just a few days. I think, however, the schools’ October holidays must have something to do with it.
On health matters, I really rated the cartoon in the Sunday Post of the wee Glasgow wifie looking at two new buildings – one of two storeys and the other of five. ‘The wee one is the hospital,’ says she. ‘The big one is the administrative building.’
How about the fella who went for a haircut in one of our local salons at the weekend. After his cut and blow dry, the staff somehow contrived to leave him behind, locking him inside the premises. Which explains why he was hollering out the window for someone to release him. ‘OK! Keep your hair on!’ shouted a local worthy, passing by. ‘I’ll get the polis before you attempt a breakout.’
Coronation Street addicts will be interested to know that Jim MacDonald was in the Fort on Tuesday. So, if you thought you saw him around town, you were right. He was wearing dark glasses as he negotiated the High Street, so he might not have been as instantly recognisable as he is on that other street.
Meanwhile, after the Mòd dance on Friday night, a taxi driver pulled up outside the hotel venue, got out and yelled from the foyer: ‘Taxi for MacDonald.’ Apparently 50 kilted Gaels (not including Jim) tried to get into the cab.