JAMES PEMBROKE

THE OLD CUSTOMS HOUSE, HASTINGS THE ROOF GARDEN, JOHN LEWIS THE BAR AT BALTHAZAR, COVENT GARDEN

If you want to enjoy the best peoplewatching this side of Capri, head to Hastings. Given that the primary purpose of this antediluvian pastime is to look on, smug in the knowledge that there are people more appalling than you, I venture that the East Parade of Hastings is Shangri-la.

Hastings has the best high street in Britain, lined with real junk shops and AJ Hendy’s mock haberdashery. Incomers and bohemians, faux and otherwise, are desperate to distract us from the aggressively down-at-heel, ‘could-be-so-nice’ seafront.

We’re drawn to its humanity. Here, one can feast on semi-naked men, rejoicing in their girls and girths – real men who would have kicked back the Normans before their first breakfast pint.

Overweight readers will be made to feel as light as Fred and Ginger as they waltz between triumphant fatties. The joy of this diet-denying orgy is best seen at the Old Customs House, a redoubt of rosé (just £16 a bottle), which offers a brilliant Spanish fish stew, with chickpeas, chorizo and aioli croutons, for £16.50.

Eating outside in the West End is far trickier. It was too hot in early June to eat indoors with my young godson, Tom, and his cousin, Maddie; so Annabel, The Oldie’s axis, took charge. Fans of the spoof ‘rockumentary’ This is Spinal Tap will recall the guitar amp, so loud it goes to eleven; Annabel’s enthusiasm hits twelve. She thought of the roof terrace of John Lewis, the manoir of its gardening society.

I feared that Annabel had misread our lunch companions: adored Tom may well be poster boy for the Young Conservatives, but Maddie is the coolest art student in New York. But, boy, had Annabel delivered.

Throughout the summer, John Lewis invited various restaurants to set up shop on the roof, for just six weeks at a time. I don’t know which restaurant will be in charge, but what you will get is a very nice bottle of wine.

Maddie came over all Holly Golightly: ‘It’s SO New York.’ Tom was down-toearth, as he surveyed the rooftop olive trees and Oldie readers filling in society forms: ‘Do they have a John Lewis Gardening Society in Manhattan, then?’

The almost-as-young editor was equally certain of where to have the best cocktails in London: Brian Silva’s bar at Balthazar, in Covent Garden. My son had taken his last A-level that day, and turned eighteen two days before, so the bar was set high… The staff could not have been more helpful or imaginative.

Negronis in Italy are powerfully loyal to Count Negroni’s recipe, one part gin, Campari and vermouth – but one’s plenty, two’s a tree-feller. So Brian came up with the Spiced Cardamon Negroni – cardamon gin, rosehip liqueur and spiced vermouth. The latter two are 18%, weak enough to drink during an A-level.

The Old Customs House, 19 East Parade, Hastings TN34 3AL; tel: 01424 447724

The Roof Garden, John Lewis, Oxford Street, until September 24th

Balthazar, 4-6 Russell Street, Londonwc2b 5HZ; www.balthazarlondon.com