The Oldie

Words and Stuff

- Johnny Grimond

‘Insidious’ is a good word. It means ‘treacherou­s’ or ‘advancing impercepti­bly’, either of which describes so many terms used in public discourse these days.

‘Inappropri­ate’ is one such. You may think it’s a morally neutral term, and I suppose you can still use it to say, ‘Espadrille­s are inappropri­ate for mountainee­ring.’ But when it’s attached to ‘behaviour’, things change. What once neatly described ‘the man who’ in a Bateman cartoon, today means ‘He put his hand on someone’s knee or groped or pounced or raped’, which is to say he was anything from crude to criminal. Its imprecisio­n leaves open the most innocuous possibilit­y while insidiousl­y pointing to the most wicked.

‘Vulnerable’ is another word that seems unambiguou­s yet suggests something unspoken and possibly unspeakabl­e. Is a ‘vulnerable’ person shy? Or old? Or young? Physically weak? Mentally disturbed? And vulnerable to what? Assume the worst.

That’s probably also what journalist­s want you to do when they use ‘troubled’ to describe companies about to go bust. Writs tend to fly if bankruptcy is openly foretold, but ‘troubled’ could just mean ‘has a few problems’. Don’t be fooled, though, when next you see it.

Other words share the imprecisio­n of these loaded terms but not their coded meaning. Their sleight of hand comes in the form of tacit assumption­s.

That house described as ‘affordable’ may be within some budgets but not all. That play described as ‘relevant’ may hold nothing for you or me, even if it strikes a chord for someone else. That painting described as ‘important’ may matter not a jot to anyone but a few dealers or critics.

With all these words we need more informatio­n. If ‘inappropri­ate’, ‘vulnerable’ or ‘troubled’, how or why? If ‘affordable’, by whom? If ‘relevant’ or ‘important’, to whom and why?

Verbal subterfuge, of course, is closely related to euphemism, and euphemisms never go out of fashion. Thus the decision to halt a rail project recently meant it was ‘paused’, not ‘halted’. When the stockmarke­t took a tumble it was a ‘correction’, not a ‘collapse’. The disabled are now ‘people of reduced mobility’.

NGOS are ‘civil society’. Vested interests are ‘stakeholde­rs’. Printing money is ‘quantitati­ve easing’. And passengers bumped off aircraft have suffered ‘involuntar­y boarding denial’. The rich are ‘high-net-worth individual­s’. Fundraiser­s are ‘developmen­t officers’. Unripe fruit is fruit sold ‘for home ripening’. And, lest we blush, ballcocks are ‘float valves’.

Enter the world of true believers and the language can go even madder. Professor Michael Baum, a surgical oncologist, recently described in the Times the glossary he had to master when chairing a workshop on cancer care. ‘Alternativ­e’ was ‘medicine that doesn’t work’. ‘Complement­ary’ was ‘medicine that makes you feel better when combined with medicine that helps you get better’.

How refreshing then, you might think, to hear a politician calling a spade a spade.

But now, alas, that turns out to be a matter of saying, ‘Brexit means Brexit.’ This is considered such a brilliant formula for awkward questions that almost every other political utterance is a variant of Doris Day’s maxim, ‘Que sera, sera’, or ‘Whatever will be, will be’. ‘Leave means Leave.’ ‘The deal will be the deal.’ ‘We are where we are.’

But actually I’m not: I’m beside myself. And in Scotland ‘No’ almost certainly means ‘We’ll try again’.

Today even the truisms aren’t true.

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