My grandchildren fly my empty nest
This October, as many parents mourn the empty nest when their children leave home, my two oldest grandchildren are heading off to university.
Arthur will be reading politics at King’s College London and Otto goes to Camberwell College of Arts to do a degree course in fine art.
This means that, after 19 years, they will have walked out of my life and I will probably hardly ever see them again.
So now that it’s all over, pretty much, and I am facing the grandparents’ equivalent of the empty nest, what are the pros and cons of being a grandparent – a role you don’t choose but that makes heavy demands?
On the plus side, grandchildren keep you in touch with young ideas and you can compare their days with the good old days of your own youth, often to their intense boredom. Thanks to them, I know all about controversial computer games such as Fortnite and Grand Theft Auto and I am up to date with educational trends, rock bands, young fashion and, crucially, social media. Otherwise, I fear I would be sadly lost in the modern world.
They also use you to offload gripes about their parents. Arthur said to me once, about his parents, ‘For intelligent people, they can be very stupid.’ I’m afraid I had to agree.
The bond with your grandchildren is looser and less emotional than that between parents and children and you are less bound up with their achievements, while still being proud of them.
Sometimes, though, that pride can be tinged with cynicism. When my son Tom got a place at Cambridge, my mother said, ‘I don’t think Cambridge is what it was.’ I don’t think she meant to put him down and she was pleased enough to attend his graduation. It is the sort of thing, though, that only a granny can say.
On the minus side – and those days are thankfully long over for me – you are always being roped in for babysitting or having them for a long weekend while the parents jet off to Italy. Much emotional blackmail is applied to force you to agree to these requests. In my case, the blackmail was extreme as I made no secret of the fact that I hated looking after small children.
And then you are expected to fork out endlessly for school trips, driving lessons, lavish lunches, computers, orthodontic treatment and other expenses parents would prefer not to meet. These days, grandparents tend to be seen as an ever open wallet and I expect the next thing will be can I help them with a deposit on their own home.
But it’s worth it in the end, especially when I see these two tall, confident, young men taking their first independent steps in the adult world. Just recently, both Arthur and Otto paid me a supreme compliment: ‘You’re not like an old person,’ they said. Aw, thanks, kids.
Finally a few tips for those embarking on the grandparental path: you love them and you wish them well but you must never interfere. Remember, you know nothing. Never criticise their haircuts, their ridiculously short skirts (in the case of girls), their friends or choice of exam subjects – and never advise them on a suitable college course. To them, you are a relic from a bygone era.
Don’t permit any indulgences expressly forbidden by their parents, as these will be relayed straight back and you will be in deep trouble. And never, on any account, offer to sew up their ripped jeans.