Ask Virginia Ironside
QZoom and gloom
At 75, I have been so depressed at the idea of anyone over 70 being confined indefinitely to some kind of lockdown that I have actually been trying to get hold of some pills on the internet so that if it happens to me I can take my own life. My husband died last year and I honestly live only for the visits from my daughter and grandchildren once a week. That way, I can just keep going but, if I can’t see them, my life has absolutely no meaning. I don’t drive, I’ve never been a joiner, I live in a quite isolated part of the country and I find talking to my family on Zoom just makes the loneliness worse, if anything.
Name and address supplied
AI know the feeling. Seeing loved ones on screen just isn’t the same. It’s like the difference between seeing a play and watching a film. Totally different experiences. Real-life people emanate heat, warmth and some kind of chemical that makes their presence nourishing and lovely.
And touch – from a kiss and a hug to just the brush of a hand – is crucial to human existence. But can I be irresponsible on two counts? First, in the unlikely event that a more stringent lockdown for the over-70s were enforced, it wouldn’t be indefinite. And secondly, if it were, I would be absolutely furious and the first to lead the march for my and other oldies’ civil liberties to be restored.
You could join us, as could everyone else who feels the same way – of whom there are thousands. So don’t think about pills quite yet. To the barricades, my brothers and sisters! Otherwise, mass suicide! We’ll all go together.
Separation anxiety
QIn your reply to Geoff (Spring issue), you describe his parents’ obsessive separation of composite materials, such as the backing of ordinary paper from silver paper, and other actions relating to recycling as ‘fairly harmless and benign’. But have you considered the resources that go into doing those things – like the water, power and detergent? That the manufacturers’ thoughtlessness in producing such material is beyond his parents’ control doesn’t make his parents’ waste of other resources in dealing with the problem harmless or benign; perhaps their time would be better spent writing to the food-manufacturers asking that such wasteful packaging be avoided in the first place.
VW, East Sussex
AI couldn’t agree more. I still haven’t worked out in my head whether swilling out bottles, plastic pots, Tetra Paks and cans with lots of detergent and hot water balances out in any way, environmentally. And is there any point in recycling carboard boxes still with their plastic tape stuck on? Apparently it’s OK to recycle envelopes with cellophane windows in them – at least in my borough – but what about packaging that features shiny gold lettering? It’s very difficult to be committed when the guidelines are still so woolly – and vary from area to area.
It’s your funeral
QI have paid for my funeral in advance. It was going to be quite a lavish affair with a choir, black horses with plumes, an expensive coffin and an elaborate service and reception. I wanted to make it fun for everyone who came, a spectacle for my friends, and a wonderful party. But now I find that there may be a chance that in certain circumstances my funeral will be allowed to be attended by only an extremely limited number of mourners – and there’s no question of a party. Obviously there’s no point in the ceremony I had planned. If this is the case, can my family get my money back from the funeral company?
G Simmons, Bury St Edmunds
AI absolutely see your point. There’s no point in providing a show if there’s going to be almost no one in the audience. Presumably you’ve given your children money for the party and the choir. So the only things you’ve paid the funeral-planners for are perhaps the horses and the coffin. According to the Funeral Planning Authority, your options are either to cancel the plan – bearing in mind there’ll probably be a cancellation fee – or to use the plan and seek a refund or alternative services for those elements included in the plan but not provided. The FPA says, ‘We would expect our registered providers to respond reasonably and fairly, given the current restrictions, to such a request.’ So contact them if there are any problems.