Looking Back

HERE come the workers,” Caitlin said, nodding to the refuse lorry pulling into the cliffside car park. “I’ll get the bacon on, or we’ll never hear the end of it.”

Louise smiled as her niece traipsed inside, her arms folded. Caitlin pretended she grudged the men’s weekly visit for tea and bacon butties, but Louise knew there was a spark between Caitlin and one of the lads and that she enjoyed every minute of their visit.

“A bit like we were once, eh?” Timmy, the driver, had said to her with a wink a few weeks ago, while Caitlin and Jeff were cosied in the corner, giggling over cups of tea.

Louise had nodded and pretended not to notice his crestfallen expression. He was determined to revive the past and she didn’t want to encourage him.

She crouched in front of the chalkboard and updated the last-known sighting of porpoises. A group had spotted some earlier, which was good news. The tourists loved them; many came specifically for a sighting but were often disappointed.

Having a list of creatures and sightings on the chalkboard had been Louise’s idea. When Louise’s uncle had run the Cliffside Café, the board had simply said

Ask inside for recent wildlife sightings.

James’s logic had been that if people came in to ask what the chances were of spotting an orca, seal or minke whale, they’d be likely to buy something.

“An otter? Oh, you’ll only see them early afternoon. Another hour or so if you want to wait. Feel free to have a seat and look at the menu while you’re waiting.”

Louise shook her head as she recalled his method of luring the customers.

Not that he was a bad person; he had had loads of charm and taken great pride in his tiny café. But Louise got as many customers as he did, without underhand tactics.

She had taken over at the start of the season after James died last November. Redundancy and a relationship breakdown in March had coincided with the café’s annual starting time so she’d decided a summer back home would help her get her head together and plan her next move.

She’d loved helping at the café during school holidays, and it would be fun to run the place for a while.

Caitlin had jumped at the chance of a summer job before starting college, so organising staff hadn’t been a problem.

A couple in rain jackets and waterproof trousers looked at the board with interest. The woman had binoculars around her neck, the man a camera.

“There hasn’t been a puffin sighting in a while,” the woman said.

Louise stepped back and looked at the board.

“That’s not to say there haven’t been any sightings, just they haven’t been reported.”

“I hope we see some,” the woman said, clasping her hands. “We’ve come all this way.”

“I hope so, too,” the man replied. “We saw one when we were here on honeymoon.”

“Thirty-five years ago today,” the woman said, beaming.

Louise smiled back. “Congratulations. If you see any, let me know.”

The woman put her hand on Louise’s arm.

“We call them the symbol of our marriage,” she said, her eyes twinkling. “They’re good luck for us.”

“That’s lovely,” Louise said. “They’re one of my favourites, too.”

“Updates?” Timmy asked, striding across the car park.

“Porpoises. First reported sighting since Saturday. And they’re hoping to spot some puffins.” Louise gestured to the retreating couple.

Timmy nodded. “Puffins always make me think of you.”

He disappeared inside before she could reply. She stared at the board. Puffins had been the symbol of their relationship, too. Hers and Timmy’s.

She told herself not to get nostalgic. It could never happen again, however much he hinted. Timmy would never leave here, and she couldn’t stay.

They hadn’t been a couple since they were eighteen. Timmy’s ambition had been to work alongside his dad on the bin lorry, whereas Louise had never known what she wanted.

Her parents and teachers had told her she was university material, so she’d applied, and got in.

“You’ll come back,” Timmy would say, ever hopeful.

She’d intended to,

Louise and Timmy hadn’t been a couple since university. And here they were, back where it all started . . .

initially. They’d stayed a couple for almost a year before Louise decided it was time for a clean break.

She’d learned that there was a big world out there, and she could be part of it.

She didn’t want to spend her summers working at the café or sitting on the cliffs with Timmy; she wanted to work in bustling bars and save up for trips to Spain and Thailand.

She’d justified it by saying that Timmy had chosen his job over her. At heart, though, she’d wondered if she could do better than Timmy, and hated herself for even thinking it.

Coming back wasn’t a permanent arrangement. She would line up some work in London for the winter, then hopefully get something full time at the start of next year.

This was just a stop gap.

The café was quiet as it wasn’t quite lunchtime yet. Timmy and Jeff sat at their usual table in front of the counter so they could chat to Louise and Caitlin.

Their weekly visit was a tradition. Uncle James had been friends with Timmy’s dad, who had previously driven the lorry.

Alan and Timmy had worked alongside each other until Alan retired, then Timmy had taken over driving and young Jeff had joined as loader.

“Jeff and I are going to the gala dance,” Caitlin said as she made tea. “You two should come, too,” she said, gesturing to Louise then Timmy.

“What, some sort of café and bin lorry double date?” Timmy said, smiling.

“If you want to put it like that,” Caitlin said, plonking a mug of tea on the counter in front of him. “But I think it would be fun. Louise?”

Timmy looked at her questioningly. She frowned.

“Not sure it’s my sort of thing.”

Timmy raised his eyebrows. Louise turned and busied herself with checking the bacon.

The puffin-hunting couple bustled into the café with a blast of chilly cliff air.

“We saw some!” the woman said, her eyes bright. “I can hardly believe it. It’s as if they knew we were coming!”

“Do come and see,” the man said, gesturing to Louise. “Although I expect you see them all the time.”

Louise paused, taking in their excitement.

“Actually, no, we don’t. Caitlin?”

“I’ll stay,” Caitlin said as another group arrived at the door. “You’re the resident puffin obsessive.” Timmy followed her out. “Puffin obsessive?” Louise sighed.

“I’ve got a collection. Ornaments and things.” Timmy smiled.

“Me, too. Just a couple. Like I said, they –”

“I know,” Louise interrupted. “Come on, let’s catch them up.”

They followed the couple to the wooden fence at the cliff edge.

“Aren’t they amazing?” the woman said, handing Louise the binoculars.

Louise had never seen them through binoculars before. They seemed so close, she could almost reach out and touch them.

She watched them for a few moments, then passed the binoculars to Timmy as a thought occurred to her.

She could hire out binoculars from the café. She could take a deposit, plus a small charge for the local conservation charity.

It would give people the opportunity to make the most of the wildlife.

The enthusiasm left her as she remembered she was only here for the season.

“It’s as if they knew we were coming,” Timmy whispered, echoing the woman’s earlier words.

Louise and Timmy walked back together. The breeze was lively and the sun bright.

“Remember the day we saw all those puffins?” Timmy said. “We sat there and discussed our life’s ambitions, remember?”

He pointed to a couple of flat boulders.

“We did,” Louise said. “I’d forgotten about that. I was on a break from the café.”

They had lain on the boulders, eyes closed from the glare of the sun as they spoke about what they wanted from their lives.

“I wanted to drive the bin lorry,” Timmy said. “You wanted to own the café.” Louise nodded. “I remember,” she said softly. “I was desperate to own it. I had all these plans for it.”

Timmy grinned.

“Yes, armchairs and cappuccinos. Yet we’re still slumming it with plastic chairs.”

“Armchairs in a café are a bit dated now,” she said, recalling how she’d hoped to reinvent the place as a clifftop version of Central Perk from “Friends”.

“Remember we read about puffins afterwards? About how they form long-term bonds with their mates,” Timmy said. “You said that was just like us. Or words to that effect.” “Did I?”

“We had a joint ambition, too,” Timmy went on. “To get married to each other.”

If Timmy saw the momentary pause in her stride, he didn’t comment.

She remembered. How could she have forgotten that surging feeling of possibility, of the future unfurling in front of them like a blank sheet of paper, ready to be filled with whatever they wanted?

“Well, two out of three isn’t bad,” Timmy said. “And I’m hoping for a fresh mug of tea after traipsing out here with you!”

“I can stretch to that,” she said distractedly.

Louise’s legs felt weak as she tried to remember when she had forgotten.

When had she let the desire for a high-flying job, a big pay packet and a rich boyfriend dampen her desire for her uncle’s café and her teenage sweetheart?

She had done well at university and she had never looked back. Until now.

Timmy had achieved his ambition. He was doing exactly what he wanted to do, and was loving it.

But she had always been striving, never happy.

She closed her eyes and smelled coffee and salt on the breeze. Waves crashed against the cliffs and gulls mewled overhead.

She opened her eyes and watched the couple amble back to their car, arm in arm, probably reminiscing about the first time they saw the puffins.

Inside the café, teaspoons chinked against china, and Caitlin laughed. Children in the car park shrieked with excitement as parents huddled them into waterproof jackets and wellies.

The ground was soft yet solid beneath her feet, and she was surprised to find she wanted to lie down.

She felt so safe and cocooned by the life going on around her that she wanted this moment to last for ever.

She had felt like this since she’d come home, but hadn’t allowed herself to embrace it. She’d been afraid of growing complacent.

But this wasn’t complacency. This was happiness.

Inside, Caitlin had made Timmy a fresh mug. And one for Jeff, too, because he would protest if he didn’t get one.

“More tea?” Jeff declared. “There’s no toilet on that lorry, you know.”

Caitlin gave him a playful slap on the shoulder.

“We can never win with you. Always complaining.”

“I’m not complaining,” Timmy said, grinning and taking a mouthful of tea.

Louise pulled out a chair and sat down with them.

“I’ve just remembered something else we read about puffins.”

Timmy raised his eyebrows.

“We read that youngsters would leave the colony for a couple of years, yet they would instinctively know how and when to return.”

Timmy frowned, rubbing his chin.

“I remember that, too. We couldn’t understand how they would know.” Louise smiled.

“I think I’ve finally figured it out. Is that offer of the gala dance still on?” n