‘Do as I say, not as I do...’

As a child I remember being told often by my mum to ‘do as I say, not as I do’ as I protested against some unfair parental ruling. You might be surprised then that my mum didn’t go on to become the Chief Medical Officer of Scotland!

At Thornton Towers such parental edicts are not acceptable – Schoolgirl T admonished me last week for not being a ‘very good role model’, but we won’t go into that. I blame Mrs T for making such a fuss about me not putting my clothes in the laundry basket.

Life in lockdown is progressing relatively smoothly at Thornton Towers – Mrs T is still social distancing from me and I’ve reduced the kids’ pocket money ( well, I’ve had to take a pay cut so I don’t see why they shouldn’t suffer too.).

Home schooling is going okay (I’m not involved!) with Schoolgirl T proving to be a model pupil.

We’ll gloss over the unfortunate incident when post mini-meltdown she trapped my head in her bedroom door. “It [my head] shouldn’t have been there,” she protested.

“I told you I wanted you to go away!’’ was her attempt at an apology.

Her brother, however, is proving a different kettle of fish. He’s gone on a self-imposed furlough even though Mrs T warned him he’d only get 80 per cent of his chocolate allowance. ( I think he’s expecting Bad Dad to make up the rest.)

He sets the tone for the day by refusing to join in with PE with Joe Wicks on YouTube and it goes downhill from there. I’m afraid his anti-authoritarian streak is beginning to show itself.

At least I can get him out in the garden to play football.

Who needs school when you can earn a fortune kicking a ball?