Who’s behind the mask?

The last time I wore a mask I was chasing my mate Bird Dirt round the mean streets of Pudsey in the West Riding Of Yorkshire. Bird Dirt (unfortunately for him his surname was Burdett!) was the baddie and I was the Lone Ranger.

And the mask I wore didn’t really prepare me for the new Abnormal of our coronavirus world as it left my mouth and nose exposed!

Last week, I donned a corona-mask for the first time when I popped into the office to pick up some mail and a notebook. Mrs T, who has been shielding me even before lockdown began, and who I fear is never likely to stop, insisted I wear one.

This is on account of my ancient years (I’m 61 for goodness sake!) and because I have chronic asthma.

My asthma would, I believe, exempt me from having to wear one even where they are otherwise compulsory.

As it happens I’m as fit as a fiddle, my asthma is well managed and I can comfortably do a nine-minute mile (knees permitting).

But nonetheless I did as I was told and masked up.

It was a ghastly experience and made me feel very uncomfortable.

However, I shall continue to wear one if I’m out and about. Although I also support any of my fellow citizens who choose not to. After all what’s the point of a democracy if we’re not free to act irresponsibly and kill people?

O f course I could try and follow government advice. The only problem with that it is the usual shambolic buffoonery/faux scientific advice we have become accustomed to during this pandmanic.

Michael Gove said masks in shops should be a matter of ‘courtesy’ and ‘common sense’ rather than required. Mr Gove added it was ‘basic good manners’ to wear masks in shops. He was then pictured in a Pret a Manger without one.

I can’t wait to see what Dominic Cummings does!