Are we damaged by our parents?

Donald Trump leaves office with the lowest ever approval rating, almost none of his election promises kept, impeached twice and about to be prosecuted for a string of crimes ranging from sexual assault to tax evasion and fraud. They say we get the politicians we deserve.

Not only is Trump a President but also a father. I wonder how his status has affected his family?

A leading psychologist, Dr John Zinner, has said that Trump has a narcissistic personality disorder. I don’t know if this is true.

I have clients that have grown up in a family where this exists and their selfesteem has majorly suffered.

Trump has five children and has had three wives, nothing unusual in that.

I can’t help but wonder what damage he may have done to them through his actions and whether they have suffered any trauma because of it.

Perhaps he was a doting father, I am really just speculating here, but it seems like the kids of the rich and mega famous struggle just like the rest of us.

If your father is hated, perhaps you will be too.

Then there’s expectation; how many of the children of The Beatles tried but didn’t quite make it?

We trust in our parents to take care of us.

When I worked as a teacher in London, I met children that were suffering at the other end of the scale to the Trumps, mostly neglect through poverty.

I taught children that were raising their younger siblings –bathing, feeding, dropping them off at school and reading bed time stories to them while their mother worked three jobs.

I met children that went without clean clothes and with holes in their shoes.

These kids were neglected to keep the lights on and food in the fridge.

Most parents are determined that their children should not suffer the problems they had growing up.

Lucky kids, they get new problems instead!

The famous poem by Phillip Larkin is right, we can’t help but suffer some damage from our carers and all we can do is to make the best of it.

The pain we suffer when we are children can stay with us for decades because it’s so hard to process when we are so young. We invent coping mechanisms to keep ourselves safe but the side effects can live on well in to adulthood.

I hear my clients talk about things that I suffer from too and I make a mental note on the work I still have to do on myself.

I find myself copying my Mam and Dad’s approach to parenting, even when it’s detrimental to do so.

My life really is littered with opportunities to wise up and stop being a moron.

By listening to friends and my clients I am reminded that I have a long way to go to understand myself in relation to the world.

I just have to hope that I’m making some progress and holding my hands up when I get something wrong.