FESTIVE FUN, THE WINNERS AND LOSERS
1 How will Christmas dinner be different after Brexit? No Brussels . .................................................................................................................................. 20% 2 What do workers at Sports Direct get for Christmas dinner? About 5 minutes . ........................................................................................................ 19% 3 How do you recognise a Christmas tree from BHS? All the branches have gone . ...................................................................................................... 17% 4 I bought my mum Mary Berry’s cookbook for Christmas, I tried to get Paul Hollywood’s but he’d sold out . ................................................... 14% 5 What’s David Cameron’s favourite Christmas song? All I Want For Christmas is EU . ............................................................................................... 14% 6 Why has Hillary Clinton asked Santa for a 23-letter alphabet? Because she is sick of F.B.I . .................................................................................. 13% 7 Why didn’t Roy Hodgson go to visit Santa at The North Pole? He couldn’t get past Iceland . ................................................................................ 12% 8 Why are Jeremy Corbyn’s Christmas cards on the floor? His cabinet collapsed . ..................................................................................................... 12% 9 Philip looks out of the window on Christmas Eve: ‘That’s some reindeer.’ The Queen replies: ‘63 years. Yes, that is a lot.’ ......................... 11% 10 The difference between the clementine in your Christmas stocking and Donald Trump? Nothing, they’re both a little orange . ........... 10% 11 What do you get if you cross Donald Trump with a Christmas Carol? O Comb Over Ye Faithful . ........................................................................ 10% 12 What’s the best advice you can give at the UKIP Christmas party? Avoid the punch . .............................................................................................. 9% 13 Why did the three wise men only have frankincense and myrrh? Because Team GB took all the gold . ............................................................... 8% 14 Which parent is likely to do the Christmas shop at Tesco this year? Dad might, Marmite not . ............................................................................... 8% 15 Why can’t the England football team play Yahtzee this Christmas? Because they got rid of Allardyce . ............................................................. 8% 16 I can’t get to the chocolates in my advent calendar. Foiled again . .................................................................................................................................... 8% 17 Why is Bob Dylan’s sleigh so quiet? Because it has Nobel . .................................................................................................................................................. 7% 18 Why is everyone filing for divorce and custody of the kids this Christmas? Tis the season to be Jolie . ............................................................. 7% 19 Who might be cooking Christmas dinner at Number 10 this year? Theresa May . ........................................................................................................ 7% 20 Why can’t Mary Berry eat turkey sandwiches? Paul Hollywood took all the bread . .................................................................................................... 4%