Report card

Now that Holyrood is on its summer holidays, it’s time for the end of term report card: The Snp-led Scottish Government has the makings of a decent legislative chamber. However, it is utterly obsessed with “independence” – constantly tweeting, talking and discussing it, much to its own detriment. Can’t seem to concentrate on its other subjects, particularly economics, and is falling behind its peers.

Doesn’tgetonwellwithother parliaments and was recently rebuffed on unauthorised geography excursion to the Continent. Failed to make any new friends on this trip. Probably because of feelings of selfimportance and grandeur.

Has been found trying to erase the term “British” from all school property, particularity from school transport security. Habit of leaving saltires about school premises and in other pupils’ desks.

Doesn’t take much responsibility for own actions and has pernicious habit of blaming “Brexit” or “Wastemonster” for lack of good marks this year. Ingrained behavioural patterns will ensure that this continues.

Has been given extra duties and responsibilities, but for some reason seems unwilling to fulfil them.

All in all, a mixed year. Could do better. C-. long ambition is to break up the UK. She wants Scotland to remain in the Single Market and the Customs Union but to have a key role in negotiating our departure from both. She wants open immigration for Scotland yet expects to be sitting on the side of the table which rejects free movement of people from the EU.

To have any chance of a good Brexit deal for Scotland and the UK it is vital Ms Sturgeon’s contradictory and destructive policies are kept right away from the negotiations.