The heat is on for Waffle to have pups

Back to the beating line with Waffle who, needless to say, is showing all the signs of coming on heat, just as the pheasant shooting season begins. Fortunately, only one rather gross springer showed any interest and was easily beaten off. Waffle wasn’t having any of it anyway.

But her beating and shooting days are clearly going to be temporarily numbered unless we want a litter of half cocker and half goodness knows what else. If she is on heat we are facing the prospect of an arranged marriage with Thomas from Tomintoul, a very gentle boy from the hills with the same lemony orange colouring to whom we were introduced by a friend in the summer.

But can I really cope with puppies by myself? The idea of puppies is rather more appealing than the reality. In the past my wife, no longer with us, had dealt with puppies. Which is not to say I didn’t have a part to play but inevitably it was she who masterminded the whole operation.

I was never quite trusted after she came back from an evening meeting to find me lolling semi-conscious on the sofa in front of the telly, surrounded by newly born puppies. Crumpet had managed to have five without me noticing. (A sixth was mysteriously discovered the next day on the lawn just as we were about to start mowing. No ill effects, extraordinarily).

My daughter is clamouring for Waffle to have puppies but I am fast going off the whole idea. It is not the mating or pregnancy which is the tricky bit, usually. It either works or it doesn’t.

But there comes a stage when the puppies require almost constant attention: nonstop feeding and clearing up behind them for the best part of two months. Of course everyone who meets Waffle goes ooh and ahh and says they absolutely must have a puppy and a Waffle is exactly what they have been looking for all these years.

But as anyone who has been through this will know, people are infuriatingly fickle. When the moment arrives they suddenly realise they are booked for the Caribbean, or moving house or having a baby or any number of possibly quite justified excuses. In the meantime the year drags on and everything has to go on hold to accommodate puppies.

The breeder who is able to hand over a litter bang on eight weeks is lucky indeed. And then of course we would have to keep one. Well we wouldn’t have to keep one. But you would, wouldn’t you?

So we would be a two dog family again. Rather mean spiritedly I just do not want the hassle of two dogs, however perfect. One Waffle is very nice thank you. We’ll address the problem of a replacement when the time comes. n